Feeling better

Feeling better today. Didn't sleep as much as I usually do on Day 2 but that's b/c my Mom is here and it's more fun to hang out with her than it is to sleep.
Dr. Lilly really threw me a surprise yesterday. I asked him when the PET scans will be done, and he said he doesn't plan on doing them! He said there's no need, they wouldn't show anything. I said So when I'm done- I'm really done? He said he might scan me in 6-8 months but he knows nothing will come up then either. I was stunned. Exactly how does he know this??? It's a strange feeling to think one day I have cancer and then the next day I don't. I have read on the Colon Club how scary it is to be done with chemo b/c it's a security blanket, I didn't understand that until now. I will walk out of the cancer building and WHAM! it's over. He did tell me I will get my port out about a month after chemo is over. That is what Emily is waiting for. She keeps saying she can't wait until the day they can take Port Chop out and throw him in the trash.
I have more to say but Emily needs me so I will go.
Talk soon.
Love,
Michele;

Rough time with Round 10

Round 10 did not go well. I got so sick. I threw up twice, I had chills and fever. I do recall at one point asking the nurse to end my life but she didn't seem to think that was necessary. Mom was with me. I have very little memory of anything. I have been asleep since yesterday morning. I am up right now eating applesauce. I saw Dr. Lilly before chemo and he said my balance issues are related to my feet being numb. I can't feel my feet when I walk. I tend to walk in a funny way, I call it the "chemo shuffle".
Going back to bed.
Michele;

Round 10 tomorrow

I am so excited!!! We have booked our vacation and we are going to the Outer Banks! For security reasons, I can't post what week we're going but it's sometime in early summer. I am beyond thrilled. I am ecstatic!
My parents are here. Mom is taking me to chemo tomorrow for Round 10.
I have admitted defeat with my hair. I now will only go out in public with a hat or bandanna. I know some of you saw me in church last night and you were probably wondering if my hair fell out overnight b/c I had it tucked under my hat. It looks so bad. I am in hair limbo- I haven't lost enough to justify shaving but it is so thin and wispy I can't do anything with it. I feel better now that I have decided to just keep it covered- no more panicky moments in the morning when I look in the mirror.
The girls are doing ok. Emily had a rough week at school but I think it was b/c her teacher was out all week. Unfortunately this will be a rough week for her b/c not only is it chemo week but Kasey is very sick with the flu and can't come this week.
Ok, I have to go, Emily is hungry and we all know the world stops turning when Emily wants food...
I'll post again to let you know how chemo goes.
Michele;

Team Name

OMG, I love the suggestion Team Rollin' Colon, I don't know who sent this, it was anonymous, let me know who you are, that is a great name!

What's that smell?

I didn't plan on posting today but I wanted to share my new venture. I am forming a team for the Relay For Life! I am so excited to do this. It's May 17th at Capaha Park. For those who live around here, you are invited to join my team. My friend and fellow colon cancer fighter Sandy is going to assist me. We have never done anything like this before, but hey- together we can figure it out! So this is what I know so far: If you don't know what it's about- each team of at least 8 people camp out all night and take turns walking around the lake. It starts at sunset and ends at sunrise. I have to have someone signed up to walk each hour. I need a catchy team name and a theme for our "campsite". I am thinking the name may be something to do with colon, since we will have at least 2 people on the team with colon cancer (actually, by May, Sandy and I will be SURVIVORS). The name should start with "Team". The campsite theme can be anything we can think of- we will use the theme to decorate the campsite. Also, I have never been comfortable asking people for money, but we have to set a goal and raise a certain amount of money for the ACS. So I will eventually be collecting and figuring out a fundraiser. I will be setting up a webpage on the ACS website to keep you up-to-date.
I finally feel like I have some goals for when this is over: Girls Night Out, Relay For Life and Dream Vacation. That's just what I need to keep me busy!
Thanks for listening and I'll keep you updated. Please send me some ideas for a name. I have a couple rolling around my head...
Oh, I have to tell you that Emily thinks Port Chop is human. She thinks he likes music, likes to dance, breathes and eats, etc. This weekend I said I smelled something stinky and she said Port Chop farted!
Love you all,
Michele;

Great Day!

Happy to report I have had a great day! I felt great! This morning I worked for a couple of hours then I came home and cleaned the basement. Tonight, Scott and I went out for the first time since last summer! Can you believe it's been that long. When I told Megan we were going on a date, she said "with who". I just laughed and said "EACH OTHER!". Even though I don't normally like to go to the movies, I really wanted to see "Juno" and I have to say it was FANTASTIC. What a great movie. I highly recommend seeing it. Then we went to Olive Garden and I ate and ate. It was such a nice evening. We had planned to shop a little but it was too cold! So we're home, snuggled up in our warm jammies.
Thanks for all the prayers. Some of you know that yesterday was a really bad day for me. I am so grateful for days like today.
Keep in touch,
Love,
Michele;

Ghosts, Noses and Wrinkles

Just a quick post to let you know I'm alive and kickin'. I awoke this morning, feeling great, ready to go back to work. The numbness has spread past my hands, to my feet and legs. It is hard to type right now but I wanted to update. I am also having weird balance issues, not necessarily dizziness. I am having a tendency to lose my balance and I always seem to fall forward. The other night I fell right into the towel rack and hit my head. Taking a shower has become somewhat hazardous b/c if I close my eyes I will topple over!
Last night I took an Ativan before bed. About 2 hours later, Emily woke up. I was so out of it from the Ativan, I misunderstood what she said. I thought she said she needed "ghost spray", I thought maybe she saw a ghost in her room and got scared. So I'm heading to the bathroom to get the "ghost spray" (aka Downy Wrinkle Releaser), I think I said something like "whatsa matta, did ya see a ghost" (that's the Ativan slurring my speech), she said NO MOM- I need NOSE SPRAY. So I hope I pumped Nasonex in her nose, instead of Downy- she did have very smooth skin this morning, no wrinkles anywhere...
Gotta run, supposed to be at the hospital to get my shot.
Keep in touch, I love all the comments.
Love,
Michele;

My new cancer cohorts...Recycle Charlie, Ms. CancerBreath and Mr. Scruffy

Sorry that last post was so sad, I really needed to talk about it though.
Round 9 did not go so well. It was all fine until I got home, then I got really sick with fever, violent chills, nausea and overall just felt worse than ever. I was a little worried about this round b/c I felt so sick all weekend. Then yesterday, before we left, Scott and I had a rare, semi-heated discussion about something. I cried a 4 until I got to the Cancer Building, then I hit a 9! I was hysterical. Dr. Lilly was so worried about me. He talked with me until I calmed down. Of course, when I walked into the chemo room, guess who was sitting there??? Recycle Charlie, the environmentally friendly guy who recycles all of his stories multiple times. I told the nurses I couldn't sit in there and the private rooms were full. So they took me to an exam room and Dr. Lilly talked with me and then he pow-wowed with Scott privately. Scott told him about the baby funeral and then our neighbor died of cancer also this weekend and I have been working a lot...Apparently he gave Scott the option of cancelling chemo for the day but Scott said no, he thought I needed it and he requested Dr. Lilly not ask me b/c he knew I would say no. I think Scott made the right decision. I thought it was interesting that Dr. Lilly told Scott that taking the week off Chemo over Christmas was probably harder on me in the long run.
When Charlie was done, they brought me in and hooked me up. I got to talk with a new friend I met last month, I felt bad at first b/c I didn't recognize her without hair. She's really nice. In between us was an older lady who obviously is suffering much worse chemo brain than me. Nice but delirious. I did find out how she discovered her cancer- her dog smelled her breath, didn't like it and she knew she had pancreatic cancer. I'm not making this up. This is the story she told. I'll just refer to her as Ms. CancerBreath. Then Mr. Scruffy (that's what I have nicknamed him, whew he's REALLY scruffy), came in and sat beside me and proceded to cough up a lung all over my bottled water. Gross, I had to throw it away. Luckily, he was just there for a quick shot.
I was able to get up a little while last evening and boy did I eat! I have never eaten on chemo day, but I pigged out. I am up right now b/c all my meds have worn off. Luckily, I can sleep all day Tuesday if I want.
Time to get some more sleep. Maybe a quick snack will help...
Love,
Michele

Blue Day

No jokes today. Just as my week started to get better, I received the devastating news that one of the babies I work with passed away unexpectedly. He was 2 yr old. He was such a precious little boy and he touched everyone's heart that knew him. I will miss him so much. He is a blond-haired, blue eyed angel. I went to the funeral home this morning with my friend and fellow therapist Cathlin. I was so scared to go, I was shaking when I got there. Then when I walked in and saw him, I just couldn't hold back the tears. I didn't expect that the stress of being there would wipe me out today. I guess b/c I don't have an immune system, stress is harder on me than usual. I feel about as bad as I do on chemo day.
I have devoted my life to working with special needs kids. I just hope that when I die someday, whether it's cancer or not, I pray that my job in Heaven is to rock all the lost babies until their parents come Home to join them.
Please say a prayer for Spencer's family, but also for all the parents out there who have lost a child.
Thanks for listening.
Love,
Michele

Stage III Applesauce

Well, I'm feeling much better! The IV estrogen turned out to be a much more desirable choice than surgery! There have been few side effects. Scott and I asked the nurse what side effects to expect from all that estrogen. I wanted to know if I would gain 20lb overnight, Scott wanted to know if I was going to grow a moustache...lol. She got her nursing book out and said all side effects occur <1% of the time. Well, I can tell you I haven't grown a moustache but I feel like I've blown up since Tuesday. I think I've gained at least 5lb and I feel very bloated! I know it has nothing to do with the onion rings, nachos and cookies I've had this week. (Please don't email me and tell me to eat better. Some guy did that after my post about fair food. He said my chances of survival would be better if I would consider better choices. Whatever!) But anyway, my problems have just about resolved, so I made the right choice.
Emily is desperate for my cancer to be gone. She thinks she can just imagine it away. Last night she informed me that my cancer had turned to applesauce and I'm all better. If only it were that easy!
Round 9 on Monday. I'll keep you posted!
Love,
Michele;

Brittney Breakdown

Ok, just so you know, if this blog entry doesn't make sense, it's b/c I'm half-crazed and hormonal this week. To say I've had a bad week would be like saying Brittney Spears has been a little stressed lately. If you get grossed out easily, just log off. Otherwise, I'll tell you I have had a never-ending, out of control period for 12 days and a nosebleed that lasted 3 days. FUN. So I insist on seeing Dr. Lilly yesterday and he says it's completely normal, let's just give you IV estrogen for 3 days and by the way one dose is the equivalent of swallowing 30 pills. I got it in my head this wasn't what I wanted. So I call my gyno, who I've seen for 12 years, trust completely and owe a debt of gratitude for helping us to conceive Emily and then saving her life at birth, sorry, I digress... Anyway, Gyno recommends SURGERY, just come in Friday afternoon for a 2 procedure surgery and we'll cure ya' right up. ARE YOU KIDDING??? Suddenly, IV estrogen looks like a piece of cake. In between all of this, I have everyone's opinions flying around- mine, Scott's, friends on Colon Club, and 2 doctors with very opposing views. So I pretty much had a Brittney Spears breakdown today, which consisted, in part, of throwing objects, slamming doors and hitting a 7 on the tear scale. Only instead of hauling me to the psych ward, I hauled myself to the Cancer Center and got an IV dose of estrogen, which is much easier than having surgery. I should thank all my supporters, including Scott, who gently told me last night that perhaps I should consider an Ativan and Kasey who has witnessed the whole thing and so far hasn't been scared off by my behavior. Also, Kevin (vman) who didn't even ask q's, just sent me the most beautiful prayer he wrote just for me, which resulted in a 3 on the tear scale.
So that has been my week. I am exhausted. I have 2 hours to sleep before Emily comes home. I'm going to bed.
Love,
Michele;

Was that really chemo?

I felt so good today, someone actually asked me if I was sure that was chemo they gave me this week! I'm starting to wonder...
My spirits have been really great too! I feel so positive about things. I am going to make it through this next 4 rounds! I keep imagining that wonderful dream vacation we're going to take this year. Now we're dreaming even bigger and considering going back to Aruba. Oh, how I love Aruba! On the flip side, I have fallen into a bad habit of promising Emily the moon when spring arrives. She keeps asking to go places, and she wants a new cat (5 isn't enough), I keep saying "in the spring". Tonight I committed myself to Purina Farm and Grant's Farm- this spring of course. I've also promised a trip to Branson and a new cat. So I guess we'll have a busy spring. Ok, she wants another sibling but I swear I haven't agreed to that one...lol.
I have a very busy day tomorrow, 5 kiddos to see, so I hope my stamina holds up. One more thing, please say a prayer for my best online buddy, Kevin (vman). He got some bad news this week about his cancer, it has spread. He is such a great guy and his faith is so strong! Kevin, we're rootin' for ya'.
Have a great weekend! Megan has a swim meet this weekend, Scott is taking her up to St. Louis Sunday. Go Megan! Oh and Emily has been performing Olympic trials in the living room, she is training for track (running circles around the house), kickboxing (anybody that stands in her way), skiing (on the hardwood floors), diving (off the furniture) and a new sport called "how many pancakes can a child possibly eat before the food jag ends". My girls are so talented!
Talk later.
Love,
Michele;

Take the med and go to bed...

I am slowly emerging from Round 8. I can't believe how well it has gone, I'm tired but not sick. Can you believe I only have 4 rounds left! When I got my pump off today, I thought Hey, I can do this 4 more times. I know I can. I have a new motto for how to get thru this- "Take the med and go to bed". Works every time.
Last night, the girls were bored so I resorted back to the theory of how to entertain them from a reclining position. So I had them get some projects they got for Christmas and set them up while I worked from my director's chair (aka the bed). It really works! They were happy as could be.
I forgot to mention that my food cravings have taken a new turn. Now it's onions. Sonic onion rings, onion blossoms, onion petals, yum. I can't get enough. Scott is trying to perfect his onion blossom method, just for me. Have I mentioned how wonderful he has been to me? I couldn't ask for anything better. He has been so patient with me throughout this whole ordeal. In other words, he has spoiled me rotten! I love him so much!
Not much else to report so I will go. Getting tired again.
Keep in touch!
Love,
Michele;