Colon Countdown

I am celebrating not only the good results from the colonoscopy, but also the fact I survived the required prep. It is so hard to go without food for so long! I spent weeks pondering how I would survive what I call the Colon Countdown. I call it that b/c that's what I did- I counted the hours until I knew I would be put under anesthesia and it would all be over. The first thing I did was totally pig out Tuesday. I ate whatever I wanted. I went to Panera and ordered the Soup in a Bread Bowl. I do not think Panera intends for people to actually eat the entire contents- soup and bowl- but that's what I did. I sat in my office and ate the ENTIRE bowl. Have you ever tried to eat the bread bowl. It's not easy. I looked like a lion tearing a piece of meat, my head swinging back and forth trying to tear the bread with my teeth, soup residue flinging around the room. By the time it was over, the tomato soup splotches made my office look like a crime scene. But I digress...So I also ate a big plate of greasy pizza before I went to bed and felt so full, I was praying for Wednesday's hunger to set in. So Wednesday came and I decided my only hope of feeling full was what I call Liquid Sugar. That is the only approved form of sugar that is allowed during the Colon Countdown. So I drank a large blue Powerade and then went to Rhodes and bought a 44 ounce Dr. Pepper. Now, you should know I rarely drink soda and when I do, it's always diet. So you can imagine the high I was on after I sucked down all 44 oz in less than 2 hours. I was wired! It was a "Happy Hunger" that I was feeling by afternoon. One thing that I was allowed to have was clear, hard candy. So I ate an entire bag of hard candy throughout the day. If my teeth survive this Colon Countdown, I'll be a lucky girl.
Then 4 o'clock came and it was time to start taking all 32 pills. That's right. 32 of those things between 4 and 9 o'clock. And if you know anything about how the prep works, which I'm sure you do, you know that you can't just take the meds and go to bed. Oh no. You are required to stay up all night and make sure Charmin stays in business.
So I arrived at the Clinic this morning bright and early, weak from dehydration but feeling better than I thought I would. I was laughing and joking with the nurses in an attempt to redeem myself for last year's tantrum. Then the dr. arrives and I was left to ponder how it's possible for this guy to be even more attractive than he was last year...and how does he spike that hair so perfectly...and keep it such an attractive gray color...Anyways, the first thing he said to me when he walked in was "I need to tell you that Someone was looking out for you last year b/c at your age with your symptoms, we just don't ever do this test. You are very lucky".
So, the test was completed and he told me I don't have to come back for 2 years. I am grateful for that, but it scares me to think of going 2 years without looking for cancer.
I do think it is meant for me to live. Too many events fell into place at just the right time. I believe God is not nearly done with me. In other words, he doesn't want me hangin' around up there, cracking jokes and eating all the chocolate. I think he wants me right where I am.
Thank you to all who have prayed for me. I love you all! And one more thing, you can't hide from me anymore! I have installed a live traffic feed on the blog that tells me what cities are looking at my blog. So I may not know your name, but I know where you live!
Love you all,
Michele;

Very Sad News

I am sad to report that Declan Alexander Richards passed away at 7:16 pm May 23 at 65 days of age. Please pray for our family as we deal with this devastating loss. Messages of condolence can be left on his site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/miraclebaby3

Welcome to the World...

Yesterday our family welcomed Declan Alexander Richards. He weighed 2lb7oz at 25 weeks gestation. He is quite the fighter! He came out crying, and he is already showing remarkable progress. I can't believe there will be another little one running around calling me Aunt Mickey.
So I'm in Joplin, MO and Scott is home with the girls. I am feeling fairly good, just normal fatigue. I will see my surgeon next week to schedule my gallbladder surgery.
I will post more later, I am waiting for my turn to get my first peek at my new nephew.

Here's a quarter...

I must be feeling better, I just mustered up enough strength to have a little tantrum about the condition of our house. It's a mess. Everyone just went to bed and here I am, left to clean up after everyone...arrrgh.
A lot of people have asked whether I am going to continue my blog. Yes, I am but I plan to do some remodeling, maybe change it a little, call it life after cancer or something.
I am really excited to get back to working a regular schedule! I called a bunch of my therapy families tonight, to let them know I'm done and I appreciate their patience with me over the past 8 months. They have all been so good about working around my schedule, with the exception of one family who did fire me...but that's another story. Other than my little tantrum, I have been happy tonight, just thinking about how much better things are going to be.
I can't believe I'm going to work tomorrow with this monster on my face. I've never seen a fever blister look like this. Did you ever see the movie Uncle Buck; remember when he visited the principal and he kept making references to the mole on her face, "hey, Buck Melonoma here", and Scott's favorite "here's a quarter- go downtown and have a rat chew that thing off your face". Megan has been providing hourly updates regarding the status of my fever blister, thanks Megs.
Emily and I had fun today. I have a new "lazy mom" activity. We sat on the couch and hitched up Butterscotch the horse and we pretended we were riding in a covered wagon, it was loads of fun with very little energy required, we played it off and on all day. I am getting good at this. My "Lazy Mom's guide" is growing. Feel free to offer any suggestions you might have.
I am loving the surveys on the blog. Right now the tattoo suggestion is tied 4-4. My parents are probably ready to provide an intervention over my desire for a tattoo. I just want something small that is hidden. I just have to figure out what I want. Heather E., I might need your help on the design.
Ok, that's all for now!
Love,
Michele

This one's for the record books...

Well, I just spent 4 hours in the chemo room getting ivs b/c I once again got dehydrated. I slept almost the entire time. I am so worn out! I have lost 8lb in 5 days, that's a record for me, I knew I should have stuck some rocks in my pocket before they weighed me, they were very concerned that I am not eating. I hate food lately. I told Dr. Lilly that I feel like food is what got me in this mess. He said no but still...I hate eating. I hope by next week I feel better about eating. But hey, I now officially weigh what my drivers license says! Never thought that would happen...lol.
I have the world's largest fever blister(s). I am contemplating calling Guinness Book, so they can come look at it. I might get famous for this one. You know it's bad when the nurse says OH my gosh! I am a freak of nature right now. I can't show my face to anyone! I knew chemo could cause them but I had successfully avoided them until now. You know what drives me crazy, when people see you and they say Oh, you have a fever blister. REALLY????? I didn't even notice my swollen, crusty, bloody lip, but thanks for telling me!!!
Nothing else to rant about, can you tell I'm feeling better, my sarcasm is coming back...
Thanks for listening!!!
Love,
Michele;

Lifetime Movie Premiere- "Bruised and Blistered- The Secret Saga of Michele's Life"

2 posts in 2 days, I'm on a roll. I just wanted to say I am not really going to shave my head, I was just kidding around, I think a few people freaked out about it. I am getting it cut tomorrow though. Twylia, I can't believe you don't know what a mullet is! Have Gary explain it. You know, business in the front, party in the back...
I have so many bruises, I look like I've been beat up. I swear I get a new one every time the wind blows. I guess it's a blood count thing. I look like I belong in a Lifetime Movie Network Premiere. I keep expecting Patty Duke to show up and have Scott arrested or something.
I burned my hand in the kitchen again tonight. Since I have such bad neuropathy, I don't feel it until it's really burned enough to blister. I guess the good thing is that I don't feel the pain now either.
Ok, just wanted to chat. Thanks for listening!
Michele;

Megan, the Card Shark

Hello! Just wanted to say I'm ok. After I posted Friday morning, I told my mom I just didn't feel right. I hadn't been eating or drinking enough so I went up and got iv fluids. It was really hard to sit there this time b/c there was a teenager there and she was so sick. She looked so bad and they weren't going to let her go home, they were admitting her. I have been thinking about that girl all week, praying for her and wondering how she is. It made me so sad. At least I have lived half my life already, I am grateful for that.
I am getting my hair cut on Thursday. I don't know what it will end up looking like but anything is an improvement! I would love to know who voted for the mullet...
Since I started wearing "shandannas" (I'll explain that in a minute), I have started to get the "look" from strangers. Since it's obvious I still have some hair, the question on their face appears to be "does she or doesn't she". Today when I went to vote, the lady working the desk kept staring at me, it was so awkward, my neighbor was there working too and she and I talked for awhile and this lady just kept staring at me. I hope my neighbor answered the question for her. Anyway, let me tell you about my shandannas. We know a lady that makes them for her daughter, that's how they got their name. They are custom-made and have a ponytail holder in the back for elastic. They are awesome. I don't have to tie them, they are already tied and sewn together, ready to wear. I have 2 that she gave me as a gift and tonight I ordered 3 more.
One more thing, you won't believe what Megan did. She came home last week and said she played the cancer card at school. Apparently she gave a friend a bendy pencil and then she wanted it back so she told her "my mom has cancer, my sister has sensory problems and I really need that pencil back". I was horrified! Not only did she play the cancer card, she also played the "special needs" card!!! So we had to have a chat about playing cards, in other words- leave the deck of cards at home! By the way, she did get the pencil back and brought it home for Emily to put in her sensory bucket.
Ok, this is getting lengthy...guess I'll go watch the election results with Scott, he is glued to the tv.
Keep in touch, I love all your comments.
Michele;

Ghosts, Noses and Wrinkles

Just a quick post to let you know I'm alive and kickin'. I awoke this morning, feeling great, ready to go back to work. The numbness has spread past my hands, to my feet and legs. It is hard to type right now but I wanted to update. I am also having weird balance issues, not necessarily dizziness. I am having a tendency to lose my balance and I always seem to fall forward. The other night I fell right into the towel rack and hit my head. Taking a shower has become somewhat hazardous b/c if I close my eyes I will topple over!
Last night I took an Ativan before bed. About 2 hours later, Emily woke up. I was so out of it from the Ativan, I misunderstood what she said. I thought she said she needed "ghost spray", I thought maybe she saw a ghost in her room and got scared. So I'm heading to the bathroom to get the "ghost spray" (aka Downy Wrinkle Releaser), I think I said something like "whatsa matta, did ya see a ghost" (that's the Ativan slurring my speech), she said NO MOM- I need NOSE SPRAY. So I hope I pumped Nasonex in her nose, instead of Downy- she did have very smooth skin this morning, no wrinkles anywhere...
Gotta run, supposed to be at the hospital to get my shot.
Keep in touch, I love all the comments.
Love,
Michele;

My new cancer cohorts...Recycle Charlie, Ms. CancerBreath and Mr. Scruffy

Sorry that last post was so sad, I really needed to talk about it though.
Round 9 did not go so well. It was all fine until I got home, then I got really sick with fever, violent chills, nausea and overall just felt worse than ever. I was a little worried about this round b/c I felt so sick all weekend. Then yesterday, before we left, Scott and I had a rare, semi-heated discussion about something. I cried a 4 until I got to the Cancer Building, then I hit a 9! I was hysterical. Dr. Lilly was so worried about me. He talked with me until I calmed down. Of course, when I walked into the chemo room, guess who was sitting there??? Recycle Charlie, the environmentally friendly guy who recycles all of his stories multiple times. I told the nurses I couldn't sit in there and the private rooms were full. So they took me to an exam room and Dr. Lilly talked with me and then he pow-wowed with Scott privately. Scott told him about the baby funeral and then our neighbor died of cancer also this weekend and I have been working a lot...Apparently he gave Scott the option of cancelling chemo for the day but Scott said no, he thought I needed it and he requested Dr. Lilly not ask me b/c he knew I would say no. I think Scott made the right decision. I thought it was interesting that Dr. Lilly told Scott that taking the week off Chemo over Christmas was probably harder on me in the long run.
When Charlie was done, they brought me in and hooked me up. I got to talk with a new friend I met last month, I felt bad at first b/c I didn't recognize her without hair. She's really nice. In between us was an older lady who obviously is suffering much worse chemo brain than me. Nice but delirious. I did find out how she discovered her cancer- her dog smelled her breath, didn't like it and she knew she had pancreatic cancer. I'm not making this up. This is the story she told. I'll just refer to her as Ms. CancerBreath. Then Mr. Scruffy (that's what I have nicknamed him, whew he's REALLY scruffy), came in and sat beside me and proceded to cough up a lung all over my bottled water. Gross, I had to throw it away. Luckily, he was just there for a quick shot.
I was able to get up a little while last evening and boy did I eat! I have never eaten on chemo day, but I pigged out. I am up right now b/c all my meds have worn off. Luckily, I can sleep all day Tuesday if I want.
Time to get some more sleep. Maybe a quick snack will help...
Love,
Michele

Stage III Applesauce

Well, I'm feeling much better! The IV estrogen turned out to be a much more desirable choice than surgery! There have been few side effects. Scott and I asked the nurse what side effects to expect from all that estrogen. I wanted to know if I would gain 20lb overnight, Scott wanted to know if I was going to grow a moustache...lol. She got her nursing book out and said all side effects occur <1% of the time. Well, I can tell you I haven't grown a moustache but I feel like I've blown up since Tuesday. I think I've gained at least 5lb and I feel very bloated! I know it has nothing to do with the onion rings, nachos and cookies I've had this week. (Please don't email me and tell me to eat better. Some guy did that after my post about fair food. He said my chances of survival would be better if I would consider better choices. Whatever!) But anyway, my problems have just about resolved, so I made the right choice.
Emily is desperate for my cancer to be gone. She thinks she can just imagine it away. Last night she informed me that my cancer had turned to applesauce and I'm all better. If only it were that easy!
Round 9 on Monday. I'll keep you posted!
Love,
Michele;

Brittney Breakdown

Ok, just so you know, if this blog entry doesn't make sense, it's b/c I'm half-crazed and hormonal this week. To say I've had a bad week would be like saying Brittney Spears has been a little stressed lately. If you get grossed out easily, just log off. Otherwise, I'll tell you I have had a never-ending, out of control period for 12 days and a nosebleed that lasted 3 days. FUN. So I insist on seeing Dr. Lilly yesterday and he says it's completely normal, let's just give you IV estrogen for 3 days and by the way one dose is the equivalent of swallowing 30 pills. I got it in my head this wasn't what I wanted. So I call my gyno, who I've seen for 12 years, trust completely and owe a debt of gratitude for helping us to conceive Emily and then saving her life at birth, sorry, I digress... Anyway, Gyno recommends SURGERY, just come in Friday afternoon for a 2 procedure surgery and we'll cure ya' right up. ARE YOU KIDDING??? Suddenly, IV estrogen looks like a piece of cake. In between all of this, I have everyone's opinions flying around- mine, Scott's, friends on Colon Club, and 2 doctors with very opposing views. So I pretty much had a Brittney Spears breakdown today, which consisted, in part, of throwing objects, slamming doors and hitting a 7 on the tear scale. Only instead of hauling me to the psych ward, I hauled myself to the Cancer Center and got an IV dose of estrogen, which is much easier than having surgery. I should thank all my supporters, including Scott, who gently told me last night that perhaps I should consider an Ativan and Kasey who has witnessed the whole thing and so far hasn't been scared off by my behavior. Also, Kevin (vman) who didn't even ask q's, just sent me the most beautiful prayer he wrote just for me, which resulted in a 3 on the tear scale.
So that has been my week. I am exhausted. I have 2 hours to sleep before Emily comes home. I'm going to bed.
Love,
Michele;

Name That Port

The surgery went well today. Other than having to wait FOREVER, it was easy. I went to sleep telling stories and woke up cracking jokes. I have no pain right now, just a little arm soreness. I asked if it were possible to place the port on my right side. I drive so much at work, I was afraid the seatbelt would be a killer. They usually do them on the nondominant side but they agreed maybe the right would be better, so that's what they did. I was naive enough to think I could hide the surgery from Emily. Didn't work. When she got home from school, I showed her the bandage, explained that I went to the doctor and now I have a booboo. She leans in close to me, wrinkles her little nose and says YOU SMELL LIKE THE HOSPITAL!!! MOMMY, YOU WENT TO THE HOSPITAL, DIDN'T YOU!!! That's a sensory kid for ya', she doesn't miss a thing! So again I thought I could brush it off with "The hospital? Are you sure?", so she says very seriously "Mommy, SMELL YOURSELF."
Ok, I plan on naming all of these devices I will be hooked up to. So right now I'm trying to generate a name for the port. Maybe a famous port? Any suggestions?
I have been told some of you are having trouble posting comments. Remember, click on the word "comment" (NOT the envelope), then type inside the box that pops up, then choose the anonymous option. Just don't forget to sign your name in the box.
Thanks for the prayers, I really am pain-free!
Love,
Michele

Warm fuzzy thoughts

One more week until chemo. I am trying to get some things done but it's overwhelming. I am compiling a list of things I know I will need to have handy (like lots of warm clothes). I am really worried about being cold since I am already cold-natured. And as luck would have it, Emily's birthday falls on my first weekend chemo treatment (Sept 29). So I need her presents bought, etc. When you're 5, being sick is no excuse for not getting presents. Thank goodness for online shopping. I am frustrated at my continued fuzziness in the brain. I don't know if it's stress, worry or what, but I still don't feel right in the head. I can't keep things straight, I say strange things sometimes or my thoughts just trail off into neverland. When I see someone I know, it takes a few seconds to register who it is and then I have to ask myself "do they know about the cancer". I think I have a foolproof way of deciding whether someone knows about the cancer. If "how are you" includes a pat on the arm, then they know. If I don't get the pat, they're clueless. I asked Dr. Lilly if the cancer could have gone to the brain, he said that would be highly unlikely, to which I thought "this whole experience is highly unlikely". Anyway, I guess I am telling you that if you see me out or I appear rude, please excuse my behavior.
Scott found my New Year's Resolutions this weekend. The list included: Lose weight, Eat Better, and Scrapbook more. Well, having my colon ripped out has resulted in weight loss and eating better and I have been scrapbooking while recovering from surgery. So there you go, for the first time in my life, I achieved my resolutions. Be careful what you wish for!
By the way, there's a seminar at the Osage center about surgical weight loss, I think I'm going to show up and tell them how I lost weight surgically. Who needs the Lapband system when you can get the "Crapband".
Keep in touch.
Michele

Almost Like a Song

Hello. I will start by saying thanks for all the prayers. I had a realization last week just how far my story has reached. I went to the dentist. This is something that has to be done before chemo starts, to make sure you don't have mouth rot or something of the sort. So, I had to tell the dental hygienist my story. I had never met her before. As she starts cleaning my teeth, she says "I think I have been praying for you." She had heard my story from a friend!
Physically, I am feeling good. I am going back to work this week, for a few hours a day. Emotionally, I am up and down. I can hit a 1 or 2 on the cry scale, without warning. Picture this, I am cutting up a watermelon (another food I can't live without these days), Ronnie Milsap is on tv singing "It was almost like a song" and I hit a 1. Go figure.
Every time I see a doctor, nurse, etc there are 3 questions I always get asked. Do you smoke, do you drink, are you diabetic. I always say no, no, no. This week, Dr. Lilly asked me again. Scott said jokingly, I could never get her to drink. Dr. Lilly actually said I would do better with chemo if I was a heavy drinker!!! He said his alcoholic patients have less nausea and vomiting with chemo!!! Unfortunately, I think it's too late to start, so don't anyone be bringing over any Jack Daniels, haha.
By the way, scroll down to the bottom of this screen, there is a colossal size pic of Scott and me in Vegas. And I was drinking!!!
Keep in touch.
Michele

A cure for what ails you...

Are you having trouble with constipation and considering a colonoscopy? Here's what you do- have them send the bill BEFORE the procedure- you will SHIT.

Scott's anchor

If your husband loves boats as much as mine, you will appreciate this story. I now have an 8 inch vertical scar on my abdomen that runs all the way to my c-section scar. The c-section scar is shaped like a smile. So my boat-loving husband revealed to me this weekend that he thinks it's really cool to have a wife that bears a permanent anchor engraved on her stomach. I'm so proud I could give him this constant reminder of where he would rather be!

Now on to some frequently asked q's, these tend to be what everyone wants to know but are afraid to ask, so I'll just clear the air.
1.Do we have insurance? YES. Even though we are both self-employed, we are not completely irresponsible, haha. We have very good insurance.
2.Did I have to have a colostomy bag? NO. 10 inches of my colon was removed and then re-attached and is working fine, which brings me to #3: What were the initial symptoms and have they gone away? Severe constipation and yes, things are in working order again.
4.Can you email me privately, without it being posted on the blog? YES. If you click on the envelope icon, it will email me privately. Clicking on "comment" will leave a post for everyone to read. My email is mpeters6@charter.net Also, if you leave a public comment, I cannot respond to it privately if I don't already have your email address.
Thanks and have a great week!
Love,
Michele

Toe movements???

I did waaaay too much yesterday and boy, did I pay the price. Yesterday, I ran errands for a couple of hours, then took Megan to a birthday party; I was bored and wanted to get out of the house. Then last night, I couldn't sleep, I had a lot of pain all over, I was miserable! I am having one of those days where I really wish this cancer had chosen to set up shop in my big toe, instead of my colon. It would have made things a lot simpler, they could have just cut it off and I could have gone on with my life, minus a toe. No one would ask "have you had a toe movement", "what is the consistency of your toe movements", "call us if you don't have a toe movement in 3 days".
I am here alone with both girls this morning. Scott had to work. Before he left, he gave me strict orders to "let Emily have whatever she wants", to avoid any problems. I have been surprised at how well Emily has handled everything in the past 2 weeks, but last night all her anxiety came out. She kept begging me not to go to the hospital or the doctor, she kept saying it over and over, she was really upset. She is absolutely terrified I will have to go back in the hospital and she thinks if I go to the doctor, he will put me in the hospital. I feel sorry for her. In case you are shaking your head, saying I wish there was something I could do, there actually is. Her new "thing" (and if you know Emily, you know she goes through these "things"), she loves to cut dogs out of magazines. It has become an obsession, but I am out of magazines with dogs. If you have any laying around your house you would be willing to donate, she would love it. She likes to sit with me and cut them out. It makes her so happy!
Megan is doing great since she started school this week. Can you believe 2 boys have already expressed interest in her (as only 8 year old boys can do)??? It's so cute, and she is secretly enjoying it! As you know, she reads everything, she even read my booklet about "Colon Surgery". Last night UPS dropped off a book I ordered about cancer, Scott immediately had to say "Megan don't be reading that", she said I want a cancer book to read. Luckily, I ordered one that addresses q's kids have about cancer.
Ok, this was a long post, I feel better now, this blog is very therapeutic!
Love,
Michele

Sugar

I am starting to feel a little crabby. It could be b/c I have given up sugar. I have been reading a lot about how sugar feeds cancer so I thought I better have my sweet tooth extracted. I plan to talk to Dr. Lilly about it next week. I hope the conversation goes something like this:
"Excuse me Doc, is it true that sugar feeds cancer?"
"No! Actually the opposite is true; you must consume as much sugar as you can; Sugar actually DESTROYS CANCER! So go home and raid Megan's secret chocolate stash!!!"

Anyway, I am trying to strike a balance between keeping busy but not doing too much. Without sugar, my life seems empty and meaningless, so I tried scrapbooking today, I had some great layouts of birthday cake, Thanksgiving pie, Valentines Day chocolate...
OK, gotta go, Emily wants to play CANDYLAND...
Love,
Michele

Rate your tears

Short post:
When you are a patient at Southeast Hospital, they ask you to continually rate your pain. Today I decided we will use the same system for rating my crying jags. That way, for future reference, you will know how upsetting something was to me by the rating I give. For example, tears in the eyes is a "1", a complete hysterical meltdown is a "10". Today, I opened an email from one of Scott's fishing buddies, he sent a picture/article about his wife and teenage daughter winning a fishing tournament. I immediately burst into tears that escalated to about a "6". Scott didn't understand why it upset me. Can anyone out there comprehend this? I couldn't explain it to him, which left him very puzzled.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Love,
Michele

Comment for all the Moms out there...

Here's a chuckle for the day. Yesterday Scott said he's really starting to wonder how he's going to do everything b/c (and this is a quote) "Michele, you do it all". WHOO HOO!!! I've been waiting 12 years to hear that!!! I didn't know I would have to get cancer to finally be acknowledged for all I do, haha. I know all you moms out there will know what I mean!