Last year on Thursday, July 26th I had reached the point where I was seriously concerned that something was wrong. I had been taking 3 different over-the-counter medications for 3 days with no results and I was beginning to get scared. I was still keeping it a secret but I knew I had to tell Scott. I was so bloated, my clothes wouldn't fit and I was having a lot of stomach and lower back pain. You may be wondering why I didn't want to tell. I know some couples who don't hesitate to talk bathroom talk but we aren't one of them. That subject is OFF LIMITS in our house, in our relationship. Anyway, I stopped by the house that morning to grab something and Scott happened to stop by too. I was sitting at the kitchen table and when he walked in, I thought here's my chance. I tried to form the words but nothing came out. I couldn't look him in the eye and say it. He left within a few minutes and I realized I blew it. So I did what anybody else would have done in this situation. I drove 30 minutes out of town, called him on his cell phone and whispered "I think I have a problem".
Friday came. We were leaving at noon to go to the lake with Danny and Becky for our annual "Pampered Campers" weekend. Scott and the girls were so excited. This is always a fun trip. I summoned up the courage to call the doctor that morning to admit my problem. It is important to remember that I had only been Dr. Bieser's patient for a month. So when I called to relay my problem, they did not take me seriously. They told me to come in Monday. I left work around noon, went home, and was so sick I could not get off the couch. We were frantic about what to do. We were supposed to be leaving for the lake and I couldn't even get up. The truck was packed and ready to go. Scott called the doctor's office for me and was told Come in Monday Or Go to the ER. He was so mad, he called them back and got ugly. So they finally agreed to see me. At the time, I could think of nothing more humiliating than going to the doctor for constipation. But I went b/c I simply could not go on any longer.
When the nurse took me in the room, I explained my problem. I then told her I was concerned about ovarian cancer b/c I had taken Clomid several years earlier and I had several of the symptoms of ovarian cancer. She looked at me and said "You're just being paranoid". That hurt me so bad and further added to my humiliation. Luckily, Dr. Bieser's attitude was completely different. He took me very seriously. I will never forget what he said when he looked at my chart. He said "You've lost weight. How can you lose weight when you are full of poo?" We both laughed and I felt better already. He told me I needed to get a colonoscopy and he would have the nurse call Monday and set it up.
By the time I got home I felt a little better, both mentally and physically. I felt a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders b/c I had finally told someone how miserable I was. Dr. Bieser has a way of making you feel better anyway. He's just that kind of doctor.
So we went to the lake and I tried to have as much fun as possible. The meds had kicked in a little and I felt somewhat better. I hardly ate at all. This was how Danny and Becky knew I didn't feel good. Our lake trip is usually all about eating junk all weekend. I felt so bad, like I was ruining the weekend, but I did try to act like everything was normal. I can remember at one point, I was getting frustrated at Emily and I took her in the back room and was talking angrily at her, telling her I didn't feel good and I needed her to behave. I can remember how I nearly blurted out "I probably have cancer or something!" but I stopped myself b/c I realized how ridiculous and dramatic that was.
Next episode July 30th How Shawndra Turner Changed My Destiny
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Happy Birthday to Me
I had a wonderful birthday because I spent it with Scott and the girls and because I am happy to be ALIVE AND WELL. I will never take birthdays for granted and I will never complain about getting old. Life is good...
Monday, July 21, 2008
GOOD NEWS- This stress is killing me!
Friday morning I got a call that my MRI had 2 spots on it and we were given an appt to see a neurologist today at Barnes. So we went today and it turns out the spots are nothing, they look like migraines, which I never have, but anyway, no worries about those. Well, what about these symptoms I am having, memory loss and confusion. He talked to me for a long time about all the anxiety I feel from having cancer, worrying it's coming back, and some other stressors in my life that cause me to have a lot of anxiety. I am very prone to anxiety anyway but of course it has gotten worse this past year. It has also gotten worse as my one year anniversary approaches. He said all my symptoms are caused from high levels of anxiety and my Lexapro dose is way too small. He said anxiety actually changes the chemistry in the brain. So for us, this was the best news we could have heard b/c my concerns were legitimate but fixable. I am going back in 1 month so we can talk about whether things have improved.
I wanted to tell an Emily story real quick. Saturday I had her all by myself all day and I desperately needed a pedicure. DESPERATELY. I had a party to go to Saturday night, a real date night with Scott. I read in a parenting magazine once that in an emergency, it's ok to bribe your children with a toy. So I decided this qualified as a bona fide emergency. So I told Emily if she would go to the salon with me and be really good I would buy her a toy. I know it was a crazy idea and I refused to consider the age old question "what's the worst that could happen". So we pull in the parking lot and I say Hey do you want your toes painted? Oh, no Mommy that would tickle (she hates to have her toes painted). When we walked in and she saw all those colors, she changed her mind! She picked out a hot pink color and sat like a big girl and charmed the entire store while she got her toes done. It also helped that Animal Planet was playing on the big screen TV. And I had snacks. And a toy at Target was just waiting for a home. I offered to take her to lunch anywhere and she chose Fish Sticks at home! Wow, easy to please. So she got her toy and her fish sticks and she is so proud of her pink nails. She couldn't wait to show them to Kasey today. Oh, if you are wondering what color I chose, I picked Blood Platelet Red in hopes it would be good karma for my platelet counts that really need to go up.
I wanted to tell an Emily story real quick. Saturday I had her all by myself all day and I desperately needed a pedicure. DESPERATELY. I had a party to go to Saturday night, a real date night with Scott. I read in a parenting magazine once that in an emergency, it's ok to bribe your children with a toy. So I decided this qualified as a bona fide emergency. So I told Emily if she would go to the salon with me and be really good I would buy her a toy. I know it was a crazy idea and I refused to consider the age old question "what's the worst that could happen". So we pull in the parking lot and I say Hey do you want your toes painted? Oh, no Mommy that would tickle (she hates to have her toes painted). When we walked in and she saw all those colors, she changed her mind! She picked out a hot pink color and sat like a big girl and charmed the entire store while she got her toes done. It also helped that Animal Planet was playing on the big screen TV. And I had snacks. And a toy at Target was just waiting for a home. I offered to take her to lunch anywhere and she chose Fish Sticks at home! Wow, easy to please. So she got her toy and her fish sticks and she is so proud of her pink nails. She couldn't wait to show them to Kasey today. Oh, if you are wondering what color I chose, I picked Blood Platelet Red in hopes it would be good karma for my platelet counts that really need to go up.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Dr. G
I went to Siteman today and I met my new oncologist, Dr. Wang-Gillam. Since her name is a mouthful and no one in her office shortens it, I will refer to her as Dr. G. We were very impressed with her. She is soft-spoken and she's a very good listener. She is also very young! We talked about things that Dr. Lilly never brought up so I feel like I'm in good hands. She is going to run all the tests that will tell me if I'm still NED, plus some others. She took a lot of blood. My platelets are very low. They should be about 140,000 but they are only 79,000. This level is apparently referred to as "don't play with knives". We are going to have it rechecked in a couple of weeks to look for any patterns or changes. I had an MRI today d/t the memory loss I am having. I am also being referred to a neurologist and possibly a neuropsych eval to look further into this. I am going to have a CT scan of my abdomen next Friday to check my liver. Eventually I will see a geneticist to determine whether my colon cancer is inherited. All the nurses were so nice, I really like that place. I think many of them were surprised at my laughing and joking around, I guess they were expecting tears or something. No tears today! Scott and I were joking around a lot about the case of the disappearing oncologist and before I checked out, the secretary said very seriously "I'll let you know if Dr. Wang-Gillam disappears". Ahhh, someone finally shares my sense of humor.
I did hit a 7 on the tear scale yesterday. Monday afternoon when I arrived home from work, Aunt Flo's baggage was sitting on my doorstep. She brought extra baggage with her this time and each bag was labeled: Tears, Anger, Tantrums, Ugly Words, Short Temper, Irrational Behavior. Yesterday, I sorted through every one of those bags. Just ask Kasey- she got to watch me sort through several of them! God love her, she justs keeps coming back to this zoo, despite everything.
Thanks for listening!
Love,
Michele
I did hit a 7 on the tear scale yesterday. Monday afternoon when I arrived home from work, Aunt Flo's baggage was sitting on my doorstep. She brought extra baggage with her this time and each bag was labeled: Tears, Anger, Tantrums, Ugly Words, Short Temper, Irrational Behavior. Yesterday, I sorted through every one of those bags. Just ask Kasey- she got to watch me sort through several of them! God love her, she justs keeps coming back to this zoo, despite everything.
Thanks for listening!
Love,
Michele
Monday, July 14, 2008
New Doctor
Congratulations to my friend Christy, who burst into my office last week and declared "I have a clean colon!". You Go Girl!
Today I received a call from Siteman Cancer Institute in St. Louis. They want me to meet my new oncologist on Thursday! Her name is Dr. Andrea Wang-Gillam. So we are scrambling to figure out how to clear our schedules and make sure the kids are taken care of. We won't be home until late.
Here is a nice little visual of my new doc:
http://www.siteman.wustl.edu/DoctorProfile.aspx?Type=Patient&memid=2108
The "On this date...July 26 2007" entry will be lengthy so I will add some info tonight about how I was feeling as that day approached. My symptoms continued to worsen. Besides the broken plumbing, I also had lower back pain, lots of stomachaches and excessive bloating. I was eating very little. My birthday is July 23rd and Scott offered to take me out to eat. Now if you know me, you know I never turn down dinner, alone with my hubby, restaurant of my choice. But that's what I did. I remember just brushing it off, oh, what's the big deal about a birthday, why celebrate, why spend the money, etc. Reality was, I knew I could not eat a meal without breaking a pipe somewhere. You know that Vesicare commercial, where the people are all made of pipes and they keep springing a leak. I wasn't scared of springing a leak, I was worried about bursting a pipe. I can't begin to explain the stress I felt. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. I was scared of what was wrong, angry that it was such a ridiculous problem and I just felt sick, sick, sick. I tried several times to broach the subject with Scott, maybe ease my way into the inevitable conversation I knew we would have if this didn't go away. But I couldn't bring it further than "my stomach sure hurts a lot lately" or "I just don't have much of an appetite anymore". Sometimes I would get a nagging feeling that I was writing the preamble to the problem. In other words, when I find out what's wrong, we'll look back and say "remember when". My emotional state continued to worsen. My mom mentioned she was worried about me. Scott didn't know what to do, other than give me frequent breaks from the girls and allow me some alone time to deal with whatever was bothering me. My emotional state was so bad, he did not pay attention to the hints I was giving about the physical symptoms. Of course, I don't blame him. It was my responsibility to tell him what was really wrong.
...just got interrupted by something...I said "Emily come look at this mess you made on the floor", she yells back "I DID look at it Mommy". I guess I asked for that one.
Today I received a call from Siteman Cancer Institute in St. Louis. They want me to meet my new oncologist on Thursday! Her name is Dr. Andrea Wang-Gillam. So we are scrambling to figure out how to clear our schedules and make sure the kids are taken care of. We won't be home until late.
Here is a nice little visual of my new doc:
http://www.siteman.wustl.edu/DoctorProfile.aspx?Type=Patient&memid=2108
The "On this date...July 26 2007" entry will be lengthy so I will add some info tonight about how I was feeling as that day approached. My symptoms continued to worsen. Besides the broken plumbing, I also had lower back pain, lots of stomachaches and excessive bloating. I was eating very little. My birthday is July 23rd and Scott offered to take me out to eat. Now if you know me, you know I never turn down dinner, alone with my hubby, restaurant of my choice. But that's what I did. I remember just brushing it off, oh, what's the big deal about a birthday, why celebrate, why spend the money, etc. Reality was, I knew I could not eat a meal without breaking a pipe somewhere. You know that Vesicare commercial, where the people are all made of pipes and they keep springing a leak. I wasn't scared of springing a leak, I was worried about bursting a pipe. I can't begin to explain the stress I felt. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. I was scared of what was wrong, angry that it was such a ridiculous problem and I just felt sick, sick, sick. I tried several times to broach the subject with Scott, maybe ease my way into the inevitable conversation I knew we would have if this didn't go away. But I couldn't bring it further than "my stomach sure hurts a lot lately" or "I just don't have much of an appetite anymore". Sometimes I would get a nagging feeling that I was writing the preamble to the problem. In other words, when I find out what's wrong, we'll look back and say "remember when". My emotional state continued to worsen. My mom mentioned she was worried about me. Scott didn't know what to do, other than give me frequent breaks from the girls and allow me some alone time to deal with whatever was bothering me. My emotional state was so bad, he did not pay attention to the hints I was giving about the physical symptoms. Of course, I don't blame him. It was my responsibility to tell him what was really wrong.
...just got interrupted by something...I said "Emily come look at this mess you made on the floor", she yells back "I DID look at it Mommy". I guess I asked for that one.
Anyway, I will stop now. Thanks for continuing to read my blog. I can't remember if I mentioned that I am going to get it published by an online company. I hope you are not rolling your eyes b/c I said that 3 times already...
Love,
Michele
Friday, July 11, 2008
On this date...July 11th
On this date, July 11, 2007 I had my first nanny interview. I had paid the agency for the list of names and had been excited to see dozens of options. I was looking for someone who had worked with children with special needs and it seemed like several on the list fit this criteria. Then I started making calls and was quickly diappointed. My response rate was very low. Out of about 15 calls, I managed to set up 3 interviews. My first one was a girl I'll call "shy girl". Shy Girl was really sweet, very quiet and had very limited experience. She didn't have children of her own, which was fine, but her only childcare experience was working with blind children in Peru. No kidding. And she also had a very strict religion that only allowed her to work certain hours, and she made it clear that her husband and her church came before anything else. I closed the interview, realizing maybe this was going to be harder than I thought. Interview #2: Oh, I could write a book on this one. I'll call her Bold Girl. She was a middle-aged Mom from Peru who was currently stocking shelves at Target. She had tons of childcare experience. She had worked as a nanny in Florida and her family spontaneously packed up and moved to Perryville. Go figure. She was very outgoing and "tell it like it is". So the interview progressed, I really liked her and then she starts talking money. She tells me that as a nanny in Florida, she had made $18 an hour. If my colon had been functioning, I'm sure I would have pooped my pants. She did say that since she was now working in Southeast Missouri, she completely understood that the economy here was different and she was willing to consider $15 an hour. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless, since she quickly closed the interview. I still see her now and then, working at Target, and I find it very ironic that I would have certainly paid her more than Target's wages but she really blew it.
Then I scheduled #3 for Friday the 13th. I'll call this one Young 'Un. The other 2 I had interviewed were close to my age. This girl was almost young enough to be my daughter. I was frustrated at this point and nearly cancelled it.
Young 'Un shows up and within a few minutes, I knew I liked her. She had more childcare experience than I did! I remember saying "wow" over and over as she told me about some of the kids she had worked with. I kept waiting for her to tell me it wouldn't work, she wasn't interested, or she was moving to Peru. But she didn't. So I asked her to come back the next week and offered her the job. Thus began a new chapter in our lives. Welcome to our world, Kasey.
It is no exaggeration to say that our lives would be completely different if Kasey had not walked through our door. She has been with us during the most difficult year of our lives. I can still remember calling her a week before she was scheduled to start and telling her I had just been diagnosed with cancer and could she hold off just 3weeks. I was still in shock myself. Kasey has held my hand when I cried from chemo, cleaned my house when I was too weak to get up (well, she also cleans my house when I'm too lazy...lol), took me to chemo, worked extra hours, held Emily when the fear of losing Mommy was so great. She has persevered during some of Emily's toughest days and she never gave up nurturing her and loving her. And I know she really does love Emily and for that I am most grateful. It wasn't just a job for Kasey and Kasey wasn't just our employee. She is a part of our family. Thank you Kasey for all you have done for us. As your time with us comes to an end very soon, please keep us in your heart, as you will always be in ours. We love you.
Next episode: July 26th. The truth comes out but the poo won't
Then I scheduled #3 for Friday the 13th. I'll call this one Young 'Un. The other 2 I had interviewed were close to my age. This girl was almost young enough to be my daughter. I was frustrated at this point and nearly cancelled it.
Young 'Un shows up and within a few minutes, I knew I liked her. She had more childcare experience than I did! I remember saying "wow" over and over as she told me about some of the kids she had worked with. I kept waiting for her to tell me it wouldn't work, she wasn't interested, or she was moving to Peru. But she didn't. So I asked her to come back the next week and offered her the job. Thus began a new chapter in our lives. Welcome to our world, Kasey.
It is no exaggeration to say that our lives would be completely different if Kasey had not walked through our door. She has been with us during the most difficult year of our lives. I can still remember calling her a week before she was scheduled to start and telling her I had just been diagnosed with cancer and could she hold off just 3weeks. I was still in shock myself. Kasey has held my hand when I cried from chemo, cleaned my house when I was too weak to get up (well, she also cleans my house when I'm too lazy...lol), took me to chemo, worked extra hours, held Emily when the fear of losing Mommy was so great. She has persevered during some of Emily's toughest days and she never gave up nurturing her and loving her. And I know she really does love Emily and for that I am most grateful. It wasn't just a job for Kasey and Kasey wasn't just our employee. She is a part of our family. Thank you Kasey for all you have done for us. As your time with us comes to an end very soon, please keep us in your heart, as you will always be in ours. We love you.
Next episode: July 26th. The truth comes out but the poo won't
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I can't remember what I forgot!
Tonight's post is in real time, as in 2008. I'm not reminiscing tonight. Just wanted to update on how the summer is going.
We are having a great summer! I am trying to do special things with the girls. My Webster's Dictionary defines "special" as: a)going to Andy's to eat ice cream every chance we get b)ignoring $4 gas and driving into town to the gas station to get a soda, windows rolled down, music turned up c)impulsively buying a Wii
We have a new housecleaner and she is GREAT!!! Exclamations of joy can be heard in our home every other Tuesday, as in "OMG she organized my shoes!!!", "OMG she made my bed!!!" I don't want to tell her name so I'll just call her "Bea". Thank you Bea for helping me out!
It has been quite a summer for Katie the kitty. We let her outside last week to dine and socialize with our other cats. 10 min later we hear the neighborhood tomcat trying to take away all 9 of her lives. We grabbed her in time, but she sustained a life threatening injury- you know, the kind that only happens on Holiday weekends. Scott nursed her until yesterday, when we declared her so near death, all hope was lost. She was whisked away to Scott's shop and the kids were told she had passed on. I even told someone at work that my kitten died. 3 hours later, Scott calls me and says "um, the kitten is not dead, she's alive and well". He had taken her to the vet to be euthanized and the vet said ah, she's fine, a little antibiotic and she'll be all better. So the question remained- how do you undo a tragic cat story without sounding like an idiot??? Scott has worked so hard to keep that cat alive; He said he is going to start a kitty caring bridge site- he calls it kitty bridge.
I also wanted to mention that my ablation surgery must have really worked- Aunt Flo no longer comes to visit! (If you don't know who Aunt Flo is, please ask a lady friend). There is just one problem. Aunt Flo doesn't come but her baggage shows up at the front door every month like clockwork. The baggage contains all the things Aunt Flo typically brings with her. Just no Flo.
I am still having trouble remembering things. Megan's new phrase is "Mom you're really losing it". She teases me about my memory loss. Today she wanted to know what crazy things I did. I described how I needed something out of the trunk at work so I pulled the lever to open it, got out of the car and freaked out when I saw the trunk open. I thought I had driven through town with it open and then I realized I had just opened it. Then I tried to tell her another memory loss story but I couldn't remember it so I said "I can't remember what I forgot!" It's embarrassing sometimes. At work, I asked someone something and she looked at me and said did you know you already asked me that twice?
I want to leave you with a quote from Emily. She has lately become interested in different types of housing options, especially duplexes. She always mentions duplexes when we pass by them. She has come up with an idea so great, it's worth mentioning in case anyone else wants to try it. She declared "When I grow up, I'm going to live in a duplex. I will live on one side and my husband will live on the other side!"
Keep in touch!
Love,
Michele;
We are having a great summer! I am trying to do special things with the girls. My Webster's Dictionary defines "special" as: a)going to Andy's to eat ice cream every chance we get b)ignoring $4 gas and driving into town to the gas station to get a soda, windows rolled down, music turned up c)impulsively buying a Wii
We have a new housecleaner and she is GREAT!!! Exclamations of joy can be heard in our home every other Tuesday, as in "OMG she organized my shoes!!!", "OMG she made my bed!!!" I don't want to tell her name so I'll just call her "Bea". Thank you Bea for helping me out!
It has been quite a summer for Katie the kitty. We let her outside last week to dine and socialize with our other cats. 10 min later we hear the neighborhood tomcat trying to take away all 9 of her lives. We grabbed her in time, but she sustained a life threatening injury- you know, the kind that only happens on Holiday weekends. Scott nursed her until yesterday, when we declared her so near death, all hope was lost. She was whisked away to Scott's shop and the kids were told she had passed on. I even told someone at work that my kitten died. 3 hours later, Scott calls me and says "um, the kitten is not dead, she's alive and well". He had taken her to the vet to be euthanized and the vet said ah, she's fine, a little antibiotic and she'll be all better. So the question remained- how do you undo a tragic cat story without sounding like an idiot??? Scott has worked so hard to keep that cat alive; He said he is going to start a kitty caring bridge site- he calls it kitty bridge.
I also wanted to mention that my ablation surgery must have really worked- Aunt Flo no longer comes to visit! (If you don't know who Aunt Flo is, please ask a lady friend). There is just one problem. Aunt Flo doesn't come but her baggage shows up at the front door every month like clockwork. The baggage contains all the things Aunt Flo typically brings with her. Just no Flo.
I am still having trouble remembering things. Megan's new phrase is "Mom you're really losing it". She teases me about my memory loss. Today she wanted to know what crazy things I did. I described how I needed something out of the trunk at work so I pulled the lever to open it, got out of the car and freaked out when I saw the trunk open. I thought I had driven through town with it open and then I realized I had just opened it. Then I tried to tell her another memory loss story but I couldn't remember it so I said "I can't remember what I forgot!" It's embarrassing sometimes. At work, I asked someone something and she looked at me and said did you know you already asked me that twice?
I want to leave you with a quote from Emily. She has lately become interested in different types of housing options, especially duplexes. She always mentions duplexes when we pass by them. She has come up with an idea so great, it's worth mentioning in case anyone else wants to try it. She declared "When I grow up, I'm going to live in a duplex. I will live on one side and my husband will live on the other side!"
Keep in touch!
Love,
Michele;
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
On this date...July 2
July 2, 2007 I came home from Vegas and went to see Dr. Bieser for a recheck on my urine. Once again, there was blood in the sample. Dr. Bieser said "this isn't normal". So he ordered a complete set of tests to check out my kidneys, bladder, etc. I did not mention my other problem because a)I was too embarrassed b)I was still in denial that there was a problem and c)I was still blaming it on the antibiotic. Instead, I was taking over-the-counter medication in the hopes this would just go away.
The next day, I had to make the 7 hour drive to Arkansas to pick up the girls. I stayed over the 4th. By this time, I was having a lot of stomachaches and my appetite was way down. I didn't want anyone to know I didn't feel good so I faked it as best I could. We went to the lake and had a barbeque and I put on a smile and tried to forget how bad I felt. Luckily, there was so much activity going on, no one noticed I hardly ate. I can remember the night we came back home, someone decided we would all go out to eat Chinese with my in-laws. I had a real hard time getting through that meal. I was nauseous all night. I can also remember my house was a wreck and I couldn't imagine how I would get it cleaned. I was just so tired! I was also beginning to realize I needed to find a sitter for the girls QUICKLY.
The next week, I had the tests run and the results were all fine. Dr. Bieser had no more answers so he said there was nothing else to do. I also found a short term solution for the girls. Twylia's daughter, Brooke, was available to watch them until summer was over. This was such a relief! Brooke is an amazing girl and she really helped us out in a pinch. I will be forever grateful to her for giving up some of her summer and agreeing to watch them on such short notice. I still had to find a sitter for Emily for the next school year. I decided I wanted someone to come to our home and watch her so I called a local nanny referral agency. The agency gives you a list and you find the nanny you want. The price was OUTRAGEOUS but I was determined to try it out.
In the meantime, I was still taking strong over the counter medication, otherwise nothing was happening. By this time, I was confused about why I was having trouble. I had given up on the antibiotic theory. It had been nearly 3 weeks since this had started. I was also very stressed out and irrational. Looking back, using the nanny service was completely irrational- we could not afford to pay for it but I didn't care.
Next episode July 13th- The Nanny Diaries
The next day, I had to make the 7 hour drive to Arkansas to pick up the girls. I stayed over the 4th. By this time, I was having a lot of stomachaches and my appetite was way down. I didn't want anyone to know I didn't feel good so I faked it as best I could. We went to the lake and had a barbeque and I put on a smile and tried to forget how bad I felt. Luckily, there was so much activity going on, no one noticed I hardly ate. I can remember the night we came back home, someone decided we would all go out to eat Chinese with my in-laws. I had a real hard time getting through that meal. I was nauseous all night. I can also remember my house was a wreck and I couldn't imagine how I would get it cleaned. I was just so tired! I was also beginning to realize I needed to find a sitter for the girls QUICKLY.
The next week, I had the tests run and the results were all fine. Dr. Bieser had no more answers so he said there was nothing else to do. I also found a short term solution for the girls. Twylia's daughter, Brooke, was available to watch them until summer was over. This was such a relief! Brooke is an amazing girl and she really helped us out in a pinch. I will be forever grateful to her for giving up some of her summer and agreeing to watch them on such short notice. I still had to find a sitter for Emily for the next school year. I decided I wanted someone to come to our home and watch her so I called a local nanny referral agency. The agency gives you a list and you find the nanny you want. The price was OUTRAGEOUS but I was determined to try it out.
In the meantime, I was still taking strong over the counter medication, otherwise nothing was happening. By this time, I was confused about why I was having trouble. I had given up on the antibiotic theory. It had been nearly 3 weeks since this had started. I was also very stressed out and irrational. Looking back, using the nanny service was completely irrational- we could not afford to pay for it but I didn't care.
Next episode July 13th- The Nanny Diaries
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