As pretty as...

Well, I must be doing okay, I was able to work almost a full day today! I never thought I would say that I miss working- but I really do. Wednesday when my father-in-law drove me to OptionCare to get my pump unhooked, we drove near the office where I am a part time medical consultant (it's my side job). I almost cried b/c I wanted to be there, working like a normal day. I have been full of highs and lows lately. Emily always cheers me up though. She comes into my bed and asks if I have all my supplies, which includes heating pad (for my hands), kleenex (for the constant runny nose I get from chemo), pig pillow (for propping my arm on, I borrowed it from Emily), cell phone (just in case), water, etc. Poor Scott, there's not much room left in the bed for him!
Everyone keeps saying "you look good". I'm not sure why everyone says that. Emily paid me the highest compliment this week. She said in her sincerest voice (if you know Emily, you know that voice), "Mommy, you are as pretty as a 3-tailed donkey!" Wow, I feel much better now that I know I look like a donkey.

I am actually home alone tonight! The girls are spending the night with the Messmers (thank you Twylia). Scott and I thought we would have some time alone (actually we were looking forward to going to bed early) but as fate would have it, Scott had to go to the funeral home. His great uncle, who was very old, passed away. I declared that I was not stepping foot in a funeral home. I have had a lot of morbid thoughts lately, and I didn't feel like I could go. So, I am enjoying peace and quiet. I do miss the girls though. Megan and I have been having some real girl talk lately. She is growing up so fast, in ways I didn't imagine would happen yet. Already a first crush! I swear I won't mention "his" name but I can tell you what we call the sickness, "brain PAULSY". Sorry, Megan- I couldn't resist telling about your new diagnosis.

Twylia told me some really funny stories about my hallucinations on Monday. Apparently I was REALLY out of it. Between the pig pictures I saw on the wall and my phantom magazine that disappeared, I think I really owe her for all she put up with. I don't know how she managed to get me home. Scott said I was so out of it, he would occasionally come in the bedroom and poke me to make sure I was still alive.

Thanks again for all the prayers! And the meals! A special thanks goes out to the Haertlings- Amy, you outdid yourself! Thanks so much!

Love,
Michele;

Up...barely

Well, I'm out of bed, I guess that's progress. Still not able to work. Here's what happened Monday. Twylia, my good friend, took me to chemo. This was a blessing that she took me. She is also a nurse. I needed her. I got sick about 3/4 of the way thru chemo. I was vomiting, felt sicker than I had ever felt since this all started, I basically thought this round was going to do me in. So they gave me Ativan and Phenegran. I have never had this as a combo. So I started hallucinating. And getting upset b/c I was talking to all these people and then they would disappear. Twylia kept me calm but I didn't understand what was happening. So finally at 4:00, after spending nearly 7 hours in the chemo room, I was whisked home to bed, where I stayed for 2 days.
I'm so glad I got to spend Thanksgiving with my family last week. I felt great and we all had a good visit. I have decided I am not taking chemo Christmas week, I am delaying it a week. Which means I'll be hooked up New Years Eve, so I won't be ringing in the new year. Oh well.
I'll post more later; I am just so weak. Thanks for the prayers.
Michele;

very sick

Too sick to talk. Round 6 has knocked me over. Please pray. This is bad.
Michele;

Native American Week??!?

I had a BIG foggy moment last night so I thought I would share it so you can have a Thanksgiving laugh. I went to my friend Pam's house last night and her daughter showed me an Indian dress she made at preschool. I actually said, "what is it, Native American week or something". Pam said "well it is Thanksgiving!" I was mortified! Some days I feel like I'm really losing my mind!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Love,
Michele;

Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot Pie!!!

Today is Day 7 of Round 5 and I still have not completely bounced back. I am still very tired. I am sure hoping to feel my best over Thanksgiving. I woke up Friday after spending 14 hours in bed and I was so weak, I thought my heart was too tired to beat. I asked Scott to call Dr. Lilly's office and ask if the iv's could be brought to me. So OptionCare came to the house and I got my iv's in the comfort of my own home. I knew I was too weak to sit in the chemo room for 4 hours, which is how long it takes to get 2 bags of fluids. Plus, I didn't have to get a lecture about how much weight I've lost since Monday. 7lb in 5 days. Yikes. Dr. Lilly would freak!
Today I worked on getting my Christmas cards ordered. It looks like I'm not going to make my Thanksgiving deadline this year. If you've ever received a card/Christmas letter from me during the holidays, you know I like to have them in your mailbox by Thanksgiving weekend. My sister Linda and I have a friendly competition every year to see who can get their letter out the fastest. Not going to happen this year. While I'm on that subject- If you think there's a chance I don't have your address, please email it to me at mpeters6@charter.net. I would love to send everyone a card this year.
Do you know the children's book "Just in Case You Ever Wonder" by Max Lucado? Well, I have my own list. So just in case you've ever wondered, I'll tell you now:
1.Chemo fatigue is like no other fatigue in the world. It's indescribable. I can't believe I ever uttered the words "I'm tired" pre-chemo. I try to imagine that many great people in our history have suffered worse than me. Today I tried to imagine how tired Jesus was carrying that cross but...I'm still tired.
2.Chemo may not burn on the way in but it sure does burn on the way out. 'nuff said.
3.I think...I stink. But I'm not sure. Emily told me this week I smelled weird, like an onion.
4.It really is possible to cringe in pain from touching seemingly innocent objects, like doorknobs, silverware and faucets.
5.Waitresses really think you're weird when you order a drink without ice.
6.It IS weird to drink without ice.

I keep forgetting to mention how WONDERFUL all the meals have been! We were excited this week to get another one of Kim Price's homemade chicken pot pies. YUM! Do you remember the chicken pot pie episode from "Just Shoot Me" years ago. Scott and I were chanting it Friday night. The girls have tried so many new foods. In the past, they didn't like to try new things but now they dig right in! We are so fortunate to have so many people helping us out. Our church family at St. Vincent's has been amazing. I could never thank you enough for all you've done.
Keep in touch and have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Love,
Michele;

Perked Up

Ok, sorry about that last post. My friend John emailed me some funny videos and I have perked up in the past hour or so. Thanks John- and enjoy your vacation.
Michele;

Part 2 Pity Party Extended

My pity party has been extended. I am now serving cheese with my whine, if you would like to join me. I forgot to take my happy pill yesterday and I guess it's catching up with me. I am so tired and my hands hurt so bad.
Need some cheering up.
Michele;

Pity Party

Round 5 went ok, I'm just tired and my brain is really really foggy today. I am in the middle of a pity party right now, Oprah is showing home makeovers and I wish that's all I had to worry about. Scott just came home and said our health insurance premiums have shot up several hunded dollars. All my fault. Ok, I'm going to have to change the channel, some woman just showed us a bed she hand-carved for her husband. I don't even have the energy to get out of bed, let alone carve one by hand.
Michele;

Mission From God

Just wanted to mention that Port Chop has settled down and is no longer bothering me. I guess he was just cranky.
I have decided to write a book called "The Lazy Mom's Guide to Raising Children". I have discovered several techniques for spending "quality" time with my children, without leaving the couch. Emily and I invented a game called "Around the World". We sit on the couch, I "drive" us all over the world, and when we get to our destination, she hops off the couch and pretends to be there. I sit in the car and watch. Last week, I took things even further and thought, how can I play while actually laying on the couch (I was too tired to sit up). So I said OK, Emily- I'm the baby, you be my mommy. We got about 20 min entertainment out of that. She fed me, changed my diaper, burped me. She thought it was hilarious! Amy Hume, I challenge you to top that one.
It's my tradition every year to buy Christmas ornaments that reflect the year's events. For example, when Megan joined the swim team, I bought her a swim ornament. Scott always gets a fishing ornament and Emily always gets a pig ornament. If we travel, we buy a souvenir ornament. So my point is- where am I going to find an ornament that reflects my year. Will it be a giant colon, a pork chop, or how about some butt cheeks (Megan likes to giggle about my "butt cancer").
The main reason I'm posting tonight is to tell you about something that happened today that was really incredible. God had a mission for me today and believe it or not, the mission was "go to the mall". I don't know why I went, I didn't even want to go, but I knew I needed to. So when I got there, I saw a friend in the mall having what appeared to be a serious conversation with someone. Her friend had just told her she had just been diagnosed with colon cancer. When I walked up, she introduced me and you can imagine what it was like to meet someone else who is close to my age with colon cancer and lives 5 minutes away. She is just 2 weeks post-op and she said she had no idea why she went to the mall either. We are both Stage III. We talked for a really long time. What an amazing experience for the both of us.
Thanks for listening.
Love,
Michele;

Flippin' over, Flippin' out

I am feeling great this week! I did have a slight scare Friday night. I ran a fever but had no other symptoms. These things always happen on the weekend. Dr. Lilly was on a plane somewhere. He was able to call in a prescription for an antibiotic, so Scott made a late night run to Walgreens. Scott has a great idea. He thinks all cancer patients need one of those air tubes, like you see at the bank drive-thru so that when we need something, the pharmacy can just send it in the tube and he won't have to go to Walgreens in the wee hours of the night. Good idea. So today, Port Chop was giving me all sorts of pain. It feels like I'm being pinched and it hurts. I called my surgeon and the nurse wasn't too worried, although the fever could be related. If this thing gets infected, I will fall to pieces. I can't go thru another port placement. She said Very rarely (I hate the term "very rarely" b/c when they say that, you can darn well guarantee it's going to happen) a port will flip. And if that happens, they can try to manually flip it back. Kinda like cookin' a pork chop...while you're at it, stick an apple in my mouth and hang me over the pit.
Today at work, I show up for a visit at a house. I walk in and the baby is laying on the couch, covered with a rash from head to toe. The nurse says yeah, he has a virus, he's been in the hospital, he still has a fever. I flipped out. I couldn't make it out the door fast enough. I was so mad! Can you think of any words more scary to a cancer patient than rash, virus, hospital and fever??? I just wanted to say Hey, while I'm here soaking up infected air, you want me to drink from his bottle too??? How about a kiss for the platelet-deprived lady???
OK, I'm done venting. Thanks for listening!
Michele;

Back from Chemoville

I'm back from my trip to Chemoville. I've decided that getting chemo is like taking a trip. I don't know how many days I'll be "gone". In my last post, I mentioned how I don't take calls on chemo day. That's b/c there's no cell phone signal to my tower (aka my brain). If you do manage to talk to me while I'm tripping, I may sound fuzzy b/c the "signal" is weak. Dr. Lilly's nurse practitioner did confirm for me that "chemo brain" is legitimate. I will say Round 4 has been the easiest so far. Dr. Lilly cut the Decadron to less than half and gave me a shot of something else. It must have worked b/c Monday was the only day I felt psychotic.
I ended up staying home last night. I was so tired, I knew I didn't have the energy to trick-or-treat with the girls. So Scott and his mom took them and they had a good time. I laid on the couch and watched a documentary about Amityville Horror; I decided I could write my own documentary called Cancerville Horror. Think of the similiarities- I've been slashed open twice, body parts removed, foreign objects put in, drugs and more drugs, hallucinations, screaming fits, hey this really has the makings for a movie...
One last thing, my platelets were down to 78. 50 is the cutoff but Dr. Lilly doesn't think they will drop lower than that. In other words, he doesn't foresee chemo being delayed. But then again, he is an eternal optimist. He always sees the bright side of everything. I am so grateful for him. No matter what my side effects are, he is ready to try something new to help alleviate them.
Ok, gotta go get a Neulasta shot to help build those platelets. Thanks for all the prayers. I know I am only surviving by the Grace of God and all of you!!!
Oh, just a couple more things. If you could just stop what you are doing right now and say a prayer for a little boy named Matthew, that would be much appreciated. He is a little guy who just turned 1 and he is very very sick. He is undiagnosed at this point, but we know he desperately needs prayers. He has a website on www.caringbridge.org/visit/mattheweakins
Also, I wanted to tell you that Shawndra Turner is going to be in the audience at the Oprah show on November 8th. We are all hoping she will get a chance to talk to Oprah while she's there. Numerous people are emailing the Oprah show asking them to talk to her. This is Shawndra's dream- to be a guest on Oprah. Good luck Shawndra!
Love,
Michele;