Round 4

First, I need to apologize to those who called me on chemo day to check on me. I have not returned your calls. I did not fare so well Monday after I came home from Round 4. I was a basket case. Very emotional and very sick. Luckily today I felt well enough to go to work. However, my hands are hurting so bad, this is the first typing I have done. My father-in-law bought me some heat wraps for hands. This helped a lot. Dr. Lilly continues to tweak my meds to help alleviate as many side effects as possible.
This is a short post. I am suddenly not feeling well.
Michele

Burgers and Stars

They always say you do your best thinking on the throne. I guess that goes for Emily too. She just informed me we need "care and food". Apparently, she thinks people stopped caring about us this week b/c no one has brought food. I tried to explain that everyone does still care...I feel good this week...I am able to cook, but she moved on to the air freshener, so subject closed. Emily has enjoyed the meals more than anyone. Which reminds me I forgot to tell part 2 of the White Castle saga. Uncle Ray and Aunt Donna were in town for a few hours Sunday so we all went to Cracker Barrel for brunch. Uncle Ray had called Emily and told her he would take her to White Castle. We didn't think much of it. Mistake #1. Emily eats a huge breakfast at Cracker Barrel; as we are getting ready to leave, she says OK, Uncle Ray, I'm ready to go to White Castle. She would NOT take "no" for an answer. So there they went, off to White Castle for fries and burgers. I am not kidding.
I wanted to mention that my mammogram came back normal. Also, Port Chop got head-butted this week. I saw stars. It was my fault. I had been letting my kids at work sit on my lap. Notice the word "had", as in past tense.
I want to welcome the Reichert's to my blog. Vicky, I am so proud of you for learning to use the computer. Way to go! I told Becky to tell you to email me, but she said you haven't gotten that far yet.
I am dreading Round #4 worse than any so far. It's really hard for me to be too sick to work or take care of the girls. I am bummed out that Halloween is Wednesday b/c that is the day I always feel my worst. I want to feel well enough to take the girls out.
Ok, Emily is ready for bed, so I gotta go.
Thanks for listening.
Love,
Michele;

"DON'T PUT THAT ON YOUR BLOG!"

I have been feeling really good the last couple of days. My hands are still bothering me but I am learning to adapt. Every time they start hurting, I start searching for heat. I'm not picky, as long as it's hot. The blow dryer works great, if I'm home. And of course, there's always Pinky. I took her to work with me today. I have a part time consulting job, where I work in an office a few hours a week. Some of my coworkers got to personally meet her today. Emily was disappointed I took her to work without the diaper. I do have my limits.
I forgot to mention I got my mammogram. It was so easy. The lady felt sorry for me b/c I wasn't feeling good. She had me out of there in 15 minutes. She was so nice to me. She said women come in there bawling about being scared of the mammogram, I said it's nothing compared to having your colon ripped out. She agreed. My pain tolerance has really improved. Having said that, I will say the bone pain has set in from the Neulasta shot. Dr. Lilly told me to expect it and to take 3x the legal limit of Ibuprofen. I thought I was superhuman b/c I didn't have pain but last night it started. If you've ever been pregnant, remember how your hips feel during the 9th month, that's what it feels like.
There's a new phenomenon called "Don't Put That in Your Blog". People will tell me something personal and then say "Don't put that in your blog". I promise I will not reveal your deepest, darkest secrets to the world. I am wondering if people are telling me their secrets b/c they figure, hey she'll be gone in 6 months anyway; not really, I'm just kidding. Speaking of prognosis, a lot of people ask what my prognosis is. So I will add that to the FAQ list. Dr. Lilly says 85%. I don't like numbers (sorry to my math teacher friends) but he volunteered the info. So, I really do think I will beat this. In the beginning I was worried but not so much anymore. I think my optimism comes from my friends at the Colon Club. They are so wonderful. When you hear the term Colon Club, are you like me, imagining a bunch of sick people sitting in a treehouse talking about cancer, it's not like that but the image does come to my head. It's actually an online thing but everytime I log on, I feel like I'm climbing a ladder up the tree.
Have a great week.
Michele;

Boost-Induced

I thought everyone would enjoy a pic of Pinky, the water baby. Whenever my hands start to hurt, I yell Someone fill up Pinky!
It took 7 days for me to recover from this round. Today is the first day I feel back to normal (keeping in mind, that's a "new normal"). I am finally feeling like I have my strength back. I have intermittent numbness and poor muscle control in my face, which means when I smile, sometimes my smile stays a little longer than it should, this completely changes the dynamics of a conversation. Try it yourself, smile at someone and leave the smile on your face just a few seconds longer. You suddenly look like a total smart-aleck. Can you tell I have a degree in Communication Disorders??? Speaking of that, I need a little help from my speech path friends. When my emotions get the best of me, sometimes I have to work really hard to fight back the tears. So I decided to start reciting something really boring in my head, like Brown's Stages of Language Development. Feel free to provide me with the most boring topic we learned in grad school. Robin, you were always a wealth of knowledge and trivia, I'm sure you remember them all, haha.
You will be surprised to know what always brings tears to my eyes. I can't call this a Theory, b/c I haven't figured out the "why" of it. I bought a pack of Boost nutritional supplements and every time I drink one, I hit at least a 1-2 on the tear scale. I call it Boost-Induced Tears. I feel so pathetic when I drink them, it makes me feel old. So imagine my emotions when the American Cancer Society showed up at the chemo room Monday and gave me a free case of Boost. I almost laughed at the irony of it. The lady was so excited to offer it to me, she thought she was really doing me a favor, she said I am eligible for a free case every month!
Keep in touch, I love to hear from you.
Michele;
P.S. Happy Birthday to Megan, who turns 9 on Monday and Happy Birthday to my awesome mother-in-law who turns @# today!

It's a (Water) Girl!

Today was not a good day. I managed to crawl out of bed and Scott took me to the Cancer Center. I needed iv's, I felt like a Lay's Barbeque Chip this time. My face even looked barbequed. I spent 6 hours up there sleeping off lots of Ativan. Apparently, here is what is happening. I get the Decadron for nausea, it lasts for 5 days but it's a steroid, so Dr. Lilly thinks that is what is causing the anxiety attacks. So he is going to stop giving it to me and he told me to up my appetite med b/c it also helps with nausea. We'll see.
On the bright side, when I came home, my newly hired housecleaner was just finishing up. Yeah! I have never had a housecleaner before. I already love it. Not an ounce of guilt. Megan says I need to hire someone to type my blog. I have had hand shaking and even more neuropathy in my hands. It is so painful, a 7 on the pain scale, which correlated with a 7 on the tear scale. My hands feel like millions of needle pricks. It comes and goes. My father-in-law suggested a heating pad and it cured it for awhile. Today I layed around clinging to a hot water bottle. Emily and I pretended it was a newborn baby. She even changed the diaper and I fed it. I think we forgot to name it. The bottle is pink, so I guess it's a girl.
I do have a new Theory of Pathetic-ness. Waking up this morning with a chemo bag strapped on, started my period with a vengence, AND had diarrhea. If you can top that, please feel free to share your story.
Thanks for listening,
Michele;

Round 3

This is short. I feel yucky. The neuropathy has hit hard, it is painful to touch anything, even typing hurts. Not just cold things. I have the shakes real bad too. Having trouble typing. Bad news was, my platelet count barely passed. Last time it was 234. This time it was 124. 100 is passing. So I was close. I have to get a Neulasta shot Wed to bring the count up. If it goes below 100 next time, I can't get chemo, and this mess will drag on even longer. Please please pray my count goes up. I will be devastated if this gets delayed. But the scariest part of having low counts is how susceptible I am to illness. I could catch a bug and get really sick. Also, please pray for the girls. They are having a hard time. They have very different ways of dealing with things.
Gotta go, very tired.
Michele;

Ready for Round 3; Giraffe not so lucky

What a great weekend!!! I felt so good, I told Scott I think I feel better than I have in a year. I wonder if maybe I haven't felt good for a long time. I know I haven't been myself for quite some time. I am looking back, wondering how long I had cancer. I wish I knew the day the first cell popped out. I wonder what I was doing at that moment. I would never in a million years be the person who says I'm glad I got cancer. But I will say I am a much better mom lately. I want to spend every moment with the girls and we have been having so much fun lately. This weekend was such a fantastic time with them. We played and danced and just hung out together. Emily is having really bad separation anxiety. She has to be in the same room with me, she doesn't want me to leave her. She has had a really rough week.
On a lighter note, "Bust your bubble" has now moved to a variety of contexts. Tonight, I took Emily to the store and we're standing in the orange juice aisle, she says Mommy I hate to bust your bubble but I don't like pulp". Some lady was cracking up. Emily took a stuffed giraffe, Jeffrey, to Walmart with us. Jeffrey was acting up really bad, not a big deal, she was trying to control him. She was wound up. We get to the meat dept, she says Mom, we're having giraffe meat tonight. So then we're standing at the checkout, all of a sudden I look down and Emily is in the floor doing CPR on Jeffrey! I am not kidding. You've not seen anything until you've seen chest compressions performed on a giraffe. Sadly, according to Emily, Jeffrey died right there in Walmart.

So tomorrow (Monday) is Round 3. This is my first chemo without my Mom. She went home last weekend. Scott's parents are taking me. I'm taking my prayer shawl with me for 2 reasons. First, I hope it brings me blessings. Also, it is so cold in the chemo room, you could hang meat in there. Maybe I'll take Jeffrey...
Keep in touch,
Michele;

Bust My Bubble

First of all, I am not posting for the sake of complaining. It's more like I'm shaking my head, sighing...
Today, I saw the surgeon for Port Chop's follow-up. Other than a stitch that popped through the skin, it looked fine. I told him the nurses have complained a lot about the port, to which he said Nurses complain about everything. Aargh. I also told him about the intermittent bulging of the veins in my hand and heaviness in my arm, he didn't know about that either. So, I wondered why I even sat there for an hour waiting on him to tell me everything is fine. So then I walked down the hall to schedule my mammogram. There was a communication gap, the secretary thought I wanted it today. Yeah, I'm going to walk in off the street and demand an immediate boob-smashing. Oh, and they said NO to the ultrasound, looks like it will be done the regular ole' way. The secretary said, without even knowing where Port Chop lives, Oh it won't be in the way. THEN she got huffy b/c she wanted me to come next Wednesday and I said Can't do that, I'll be hooked up to the chemo pump. More aaargh. Ok, I'm done venting.
I did think of more ways cancer changes things, I'll pick up where I left off.
6. I can completely rationalize my shopping trips. As in, Sure I can buy that bag of chocolate, I DESERVE it... I really really need that pair of pants to help me get through chemo...I'll be SO comfortable in that outfit...it goes on and on.
7. The kids yell "MOM, CANCER!!!" every time they hear the word cancer on tv.
8. You start to play the mental cancer card game. As in, HEY...You can't cut me off in traffic, I have cancer!!!
9. Hair falling out, brown patches on the skin, lips cracked, and chemo bag strapped on, People will always say "Well, you look good".

I have gotten some of the nicest gifts this week. I got a prayer shawl yesterday from the ladies of Maple United Methodist Church. They put it on the altar and prayed over it and prayed for me. It is beautiful. I'm getting my hair cut Friday, so I'll post a pic of me with the shawl. I love wearing it. My Aunt Wanda made me another hat and a scarf hat, which is really great. Last night, I went to see a little boy for speech. His family is so nice and they have always been grateful for how I have helped him. The mom gave me a gift. I opened it and it was a Willow Tree. She said It's the Healing Angel. I thought, How sweet, she thinks I am healing her son. Then I realized OH, it's for my own healing. Now, that was a classic foggy moment.

Gotta go. Emily needs me. Her new phrase is "I hate to bust your bubble". She says it anytime she wants something.
Keep in touch.
Love,
Michele;

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Well, this weekend my hair started to fall out. Even when you know it may happen, nothing prepares you for it. I will have to wait and see how much of it falls out. Most of the girls on the Colon Club (of which I am an official member) said they lost half of their hair. Another side effect is the change in the texture. Overnight my hair became dry and coarse.

I have compiled a list of things that change when you have cancer.

1. Naps, free meals and chocolate become guilt-free!

2. "I feel great" translates to "I managed to get out of bed today"

3. Aaahh, the feeling you get when someone of authority says "you need to eat".

4. "Mommy is tired" really works!

5. When I say I have colon cancer, perfect strangers are more than willing to discuss their
own bathroom habits.

If you are a fellow cancer friend, feel free to add to the list.

I also wanted to tell everyone how much it means to me that you read my blog. I never imagined so many people would be interested in what I have to say. I love all the comments too. It always brightens my day. Thanks so much.
Love,
Michele;

Heavy Metal

I am feeling much better! Donna came back to visit this weekend and we're hoping to have a fun day tomorrow. We went out tonight to get pedicures. I chose Chemo Chrome, b/c that's what my mouth feels like. I have a metal taste in my mouth, but yet I have no sense of taste when I eat. Weird.
Just when I thought I hadn't been poked and prodded enough, today I had to go to the gyno. Fun! Since Dr. Uhls is out until December, I had to see a new doctor. I mean "new" literally. She wasn't much older than Megan, and about the same size. So she tells me I need a mammogram. My first thought was "Oh, Port Chop is NOT going to like that". She said they could do an ultrasound instead of the traditional method.
Chemo does really crazy things to your body. Today I picked up a pen and my hand wouldn't work. I couldn't move it. I just stared at it and thought Well, now I know how my stroke patients always felt. Tonight at the grocery store, I forgot about the cold sensitivity in my hands and I picked up a gallon of milk. OUCH. It felt like a hundred needles. My friend Becky has been hanging on to her Michael Jackson glove since the '80's. I think we have finally found a use for it. Maybe she'll let me wear it to the grocery store.
Thanks for listening,
Michele;
P.S. Congratulations to Cathlin and her new baby girl, Ally, born Thursday!

Dark Ages

I feel rotten! Chemo hit me quickly this time. I didn't even work today. The side effects came immediately. Yesterday was a very long day. I spent 6 hours at the Cancer Center. Port Chop caused us some problems. "Green Nurse" (young, inexperienced, name is synonomous with a color), could not get the needle in the port. She tried and tried until I was about to pass out. Then she got "No numbing" nurse (remember her?). She demonstrated to Green nurse how to stabilize the port. Apparently, Port Chop is a floater, he moves around a lot. The whole thing was barbaric. Lots of pushing, poking, etc. It wasn't excruciatingly painful but it makes me sick to be poked and prodded like that. At one point, I told both nurses All I need is a stick in my mouth like they used in the Dark Ages, to complete this picture. They didn't think that was funny.
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. I found a nurse I really liked. She's very "to the point". For example, last time when Pregnant Nurse gave me the steroid in my iv, she said This may cause a little irritation in the rectal area. This time, Favorite Nurse said THIS WILL BURN YOUR BUTT!!! I was really cheered up when the flower shop came to the chemo room and delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Scott.
My sister Linda had her colonoscopy this morning and all was clear! Yeah! 2 more sisters to go, plus my mom.
Thanks for listening. I feel so much better knowing so many people are listening, praying and cheering me on. This is turning out to be a lot harder than I imagined.
Love,
Michele

Round two

Michele got her second round of chemo today and is not feeling so good. It took most of the
day to get her treatment and she is really tired. She will write about it tomorrow I'm sure.

Scott