What happens

This is what happens when you own a multitude of cats and you run out of cat food...but you happen to have 3 cans of tuna in the pantry.


This is what happens when you run out of tuna and you have one more hungry cat...and you happen to have some leftover spaghetti from supper...

This is what happens when you have a daughter that loves to write and has so much talent...

This is what happens when...

...you need a nap but your daughter beats you to the couch.

Guilty

I am realizing lately just how much guilt I carry around with me.
I was waiting to make a left turn at a stoplight when I realized all the others cars would have to stop just so I could turn left.
I felt guilty about that.
Those people could be in a hurry, late for work, late for school, whatever.
I was slowing them down.
Why do I care?
And why am I racked with guilt for all that happens in my life and the lives of my children?

I was raised on Guilt Street. I attended Guilt Elementary School and on Sundays I went to the 1rst Guilt Church. My mama served up a huge portion of Guilt and Tators every night.
You would think that when I left home, I might have left Guilt behind.
Not exactly.
In college, I took Advanced Guilt.
In my 20's, I gave birth to Guilt.
So now I am nearing my 40's and Guilt still lives with me.
My dad would say Guilt keeps me on the straight and narrow path.
He could be right.
Or maybe I carry Guilt around in my pocket b/c I stumble way too often in Life and recognize the consequences of my actions.

Guilty as charged.

Mama Bear

This week at work I read Berenstein Bears Learn to do Chores to a nearly-three year old. She brought it out for me to read. Berenstain Bear books are rather lengthy so I summarized it.
Sorta.
Perhaps it was fatigue, boredom or just my wacky sense of humor, but the story went something like this...

Papa Bear works a lot and Sister Bear and Brother Bear never clean up their messes. This makes Mama Bear sooooo tired. Mama Bear works hard all day and she is just so tired of cleaning up after so many bears.
One day Mama Bear said Enough! You two bears are going to have to help me clean up!
Brother and Sister Bear grumbled about this. Papa Bear came home and he was just too tired to argue, b/c Papa Bear works a lot in the spring.
Mama Bear threatened to take away all the toys in the house.
So Brother Bear and Sister Bear learned to clean up their messes.
Mama Bear was soooooo happy. Mama Bear just gets so tired after working all day.
Brother and Sister Bear know how important it is that Mama gets plenty of rest, especially after a long day at work.
They want Mama Bear to be happy.

Otherwise she might move to Australia.

Australia

There are 2 kinds of bad days. Some days are just BAD, like the day I found out I had cancer. Other days are what I call Alexander Days. If you've read the book to your children, you know about a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Today was one of those days.
I'll skip the part about how horrible our morning was. That was just the part that laid the foundation for the rest of my day. I can tell you that I called my friend Pam to tell her I was on the podium, ready to accept my "Worst Parent Award".

I had a 45 min drive to my first home visit. The location of this home gives new meaning to the term "middle of nowhere". A mere 5 min before I reach this place, I approach a Road Closed sign.

It's funny how, in desperation to get somewhere you need to be, you will find yourself staring at one of these signs, as if you can somehow figure a way to get past that barrier. Even if the road is completely torn up, equipment sitting there, no pavement within your field of vision, you will still stare at the sign, trying to figure a way out of this.

But an easy way out was not meant to be.

Luckily I have Greta, my Australian-speaking handy dandy GPS friend. I asked Greta to please find another route. She thought and she thought. Finally, she came up with a detour that would take me there in 20 minutes.

20 min doesn't sound like a lot of time until you realize it's all gravel. With lots of potholes d/t the rain we've had.

3 minutes before I reach my detoured destination, I come to a low-water bridge. A flooded low water bridge. (If you've never heard of a low-water bridge, leave a comment and someone will tell you).

If you read this post, you'll know why it was a good thing the girls weren't with me. Greta got an earful.

I called the home in the middle of nowhere and said "See you next week!"

I'll leave you with a quote from Alexander.

"It has been a terrible horrible no good very bad day. I think I'll move to Australia".

Maybe Greta has a spare room.

Chickens

Sometimes I think I should title my blog "I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up If I Tried".

Here's a very recent conversation in our house:

Me: Girls, come look at these Cornish Game Hens we're having for supper. I've never cooked them before but I'm gonna try!

Megan: Oh...do you eat them just like that?

Me: Well, yeah, they've been cleaned out so you cook them just like this.

Megan: You mean they, like, gave them an enema to clean them out?

Me: Not exactly...

Megan: You know when you die your bladder lets loose...

Me: Outta the kitchen!

Me: Emily, I'm making chickens!

Emily: You are??? Oh, I want a pet chicken so bad...will they hatch eggs after you make them?

Me: No, Emily, I'm not MAKING chickens, I'm cooking chickens.

Emily: @#%$#!^$^%%$^!&#*!&^%#&#^@^%$!$#%$!#!

There will be no cornish game hens for supper.
I thawed them and realized they were...hairy. Is this normal? Have you cooked these before? My mom has never cooked them and neither has Scott. So feel free to chime in and let me know your experience with Cornish Game Hens.

Unless of course, your experience involves chicken enemas.

Shawndra Turner

Here is an article that came out today about Shawndra Turner. I hope everyone can take a few minutes to read it b/c it mentions how she saved my life! Although my name isn't used, if you read it, you will recognize my story.

http://www.kansascity.com/115/story/1144886.html

Lesson in Amish Living

Whenever we make the 6 hour drive to my parent's home, we travel through the outskirts of an Amish community. There are signs on the highway that remind us to "share the road" with the horse and buggies. We always look for any traveling Amish families, and we usually see at least 1 or 2.
Being the Mother that I am, always trying to teach my children something new, I decided Emily needed a lesson in Amish living. So I began to explain how the Amish live. No electricity, no cars, no televisions, no computers...
Emily interrupts me when she hears "no computers".
"But Mommy, what do they use?"

"Nothing honey. They don't have computers at all."

"But Mommy, How do they send their emails?"

My Girls

I love my precious girls.

And I love all that they are.

Tonight, while I was cooking supper, Emily brought this to me and said "Let's play Church. I made this- it's Jesus dying on the cross".
So, she conducted Mass, complete with songs, homily, Eucharistic prayer, bringing up the gifts and partaking in the Body and Blood of Christ. She even made me kneel on the floor, to which I promptly fell backwards into the stove and stifled my laughter as she continued the Mass without skipping a beat. After a rather lengthy Mass, I whispered "supper is ready". Several minutes later, as Mass continued, I whispered again "Supper is ready. Fishsticks"
Then I heard "This Mass is ended. Let us go in Peace".
It was one of my proudest moments as a parent.

Speaking of proud, Megan is swimming a 500 yard at the meet this weekend. That's a lot of laps.
You Go, Girl.

Easter

Apparently this is the day I'm supposed to brag on how cute my kids were on Easter and tell you all about how they hunted eggs and ate chocolate.



But I thought it would be more fun to post a pic of my brother in law Keith...

I could title it "Keith gazes longingly at an unknown object while allowing Emily's stuffed German Shepard to sip his wine".

I'm counting on you to come up with something a little more concise and clever.

Violet

If you read this post, then you know all about the positive things that can happen when you own a fish.
Meet Violet, the newest member of our family...

Parenting 101

On the day my first child was born, I said to myself that I would be the best parent ever! I would make all the right decisions and my child would grow up to be the most amazing adult that ever walked the earth- all b/c I was so good at raising her.

On the 8th day after my child was born, when I took her to the doctor all dressed up in a cute-but-ridiculous little yellow duck outfit (complete with webbed feet and a bill) but without a pacifier, a bottle, a cloth diaper and an extra outfit, I said to myself Ok, well I messed up already, let's just start over, she won't remember this.

Today, I've been a parent for about 3,830 days. I have 2 kids. I average about 8 mistakes per day per kid. That's a lot of mistakes. I have a habit of wishing I could make a fresh start. When they were babies, I always had the excuse that they wouldn't remember. Now, I often catch myself thinking, Ok, if I make no more mistakes from here on out, how screwed up will my kids be by the time they reach adulthood. In other words, if all the mistakes only occur between birth and age 6, will my child remain unscathed or is it too late?

I once had an ongoing competition with a coworker to determine who was the World's Worst Parent. Sometimes she would show up at work and say "Michele, I'm the winner today. I am THE world's worst parent". And she would tell me what she did and we would laugh together. And sometimes, I was the winner.

This morning I would have been declared the winner after I "raised my voice" at Emily b/c she moved her head when I was installing 2 state of the art ponytails for spring picture day. As you can imagine, it wasn't really about the ponytails. It was about how I stayed-in-bed-too-long-hadn't-had-enough-coffee-couldn't-find-an-outfit-for-spring-pictures-needed-to-take-beverages-to-the-girl's-school-for-the-faculty-meeting-needed-to-get-to-work-on-time-really-needed-more-coffee.

My guilt is the same no matter what the offense might be. Sending my kids to daycare for 5 years while I worked leaves me with just as much guilt as buying Koolaid at the Salvage Store. If my kids become delinquents, I'll never know whether it was from daycare or the discount Koolaid I let them drink.

Or maybe they remember the duck outfit.

Meeting Kelly

Welcome back to another edition of "Things I Think Are Just Snazzy".

Tonight just one item is featured...

Meeting a fellow blogger and Mom to a Miracle Baby is incredibly snazzy.


Here we are. 3 women with 3 incredible stories.
Kelly , my sister Linda, and me.

This weekend, my sister and I had the opportunity to meet Kelly. If you know me, you're laughing right now at my use of the word "opportunity". This was no chance meeting. You know me better than that. I had to do some figurin', some plannin', and some arrangin' to make this happen.
I was nervous. But I didn't need to be. Kelly is exactly as I imagined her to be- Incredibly Sweet.
Megan was a bit starstruck. Maybe that's why she blurted out "Your earrings look like dinner plates".
Thank you Kelly for taking the time to meet us. Your kindness will be remembered.
And so will your earrings.

Michele

Salvage Joy

We have added some new terminology to our household lately.

Salvage snacks, Salvage drinks, even Salvage supper. That's right. Tonight we served our children a Salvage supper.

I have gone Salvage Grocery Store crazy. I'm hooked.

Every week, I come in the house, dragging bags containing numerous items that quite simply, didn't sell the first time around.

Where else can you buy 8 Pria bars for .99cents and a pound of Starbucks coffee for $1.99.

I've shopped at Salvage stores before but never one like this. It's a crown jewel nestled in the hills of Bollinger County.

I realize no one will ever eat at my house again. But if you do, I promise never to serve a box of outdated Mac n' Cheese.

I'll save that for the kids.

Here's my favorite product...

Although it's not labeled as such, it's an appetite suppressant.
One bite and you'll lose your appetite for hours. Eat the whole bar and you'll not eat for days.