Yesterday morning, I woke up and realized fatigue had set in. Even though it was tough, I was able to work through it. This morning was a different story. I was so incredibly weak, I could barely walk. I stepped on the scale and was horrified to realize I had lost 6lb since Monday. I crawled back in bed and realized depression had also set in. I felt like I had fallen into a deep hole. I have never in my life felt this before. It was the darkest despair. I called Scott and he rushed home. He called the hospital and within 20 min I was in the chemo room, hooked up to iv's. Thank God for Southeast Hospital. We walked right in, Dr. Lilly rushed in, knelt down beside me and told me he was going to help me get through this. So, now I'm going to take several medicines to help with anxiety, depression and appetite. I feel very hopeless right now. I don't think I have the strength to get through this. I told Scott I'm only doing this for the girls, b/c I know they need a mother.
I can't say anymore, I am a complete mess right now.
Please pray.
Michele
9 comments:
Michele,
I cannot begin to comprehend what you are going through. You are an incredible woman and you have the strength to get through this - for your daughters, for your husband, and for yourself. Hold on to your family and your faith. It is okay to be a mess and fall apart. You will be able to pull it together again. It would be too much to expect to be able to keep it together all the time. Even those of us who have no good reason are a mess and fall apart sometimes. With much love and prayers,
Kim Price
Kim said it better than I could have, so "ditto." Love and prayers, Amy H
Michele,
Just remember you don't have to be strong everyday. God is your strength. He will help carry you through this! I am praying for you! Amy Sparks
Michele,
I have no idea what you must be going through, and would be wrong to say that I do. What I do know though.... is that it is perfectly fine to feel like you are a mess and falling apart. God is still right beside you and will take care of the rest. You have an amazing support system behind you and will hold your hand every step of the way. Though I do not know you, I can tell you are a woman of much strength and you will stand and conquer when faced with adversity. Remember you really are a daughter of a King, a daughter of God. You are going to make it, Michele. We believe and are praying and believing God with you.
Love and prayers,
Salinda Young
Michele,
Hang in there. Keep thinking about all the things you still want to do with your family. That should bring that fighting spirit back. Don't be too hard on yourself. A person can't be strong all of the time. Lean on the Lord. He will get you through this. Our love and prayers are with you. Suzy
Michele,
Just the fact you were still sharing your experience tells me you are way stronger than me! I am a terrible patient and even worse as a nurse. You know that your family and their ever reaching network of friends, and all the people you are reaching with your blog and beyond are lifting you up in prayer day and night. My prayer for you is that God touches you and lifts your spirits as he allows the medicine to heal your body.
Love and Prayers,
Kim Tisdale
Michele -
I cannot even begin to know what you're going through, however I do know YOU CAN DO IT, and YOU WILL BEAT THIS. I also know that Chemo can wreak havoc on your emotions, etc...and once the medicine start kicking in that the doctor gave you, you will feel that overwhelming dispair disappear. Take one day at a time, and continue to tell yourself YOU WILL BEAT THIS. You are an amazing person and have many out here praying for you.
Take care,
Jess in Nebraska
Michele,
you are a very incredible woman , its alright to fall apart at times, we all do and thats okay, it doesn't matter how many times a person falls apart what matters is that you keep getting up. when ever you fall apart just pray , sit still and let God hold you in his arms. my prayers are with you and your family.
much love and prayers
Twylia
Never thought I'd say it, but thank God for PMS!! Michele, what incredible humor you have. You are an inspiration to us all. Keep up the fight.
The troops are ready to storm you with dinners when you give the command!! Just let me know.
Lots of love and prayers,
Kim Kolda
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