Today's Headline...Hubby Gives Tax Deductible Gift, Wife Declares "I love it!"

Hey hope you all had a great Christmas, I only have 5 seconds to write, I'm getting ready for girls night out (dinner and a movie, very tame). I got my tax deductible gift from my dear sweet husband- I got a Garmin!!! I was excited and surprised! Talk soon...
Love,
Michele;

I did NOT...

I am NOT having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I am NOT moving to Australia.
It was NOT 6 degrees outside today. I did NOT warm up by getting raked over the coals at work today by an angry mom.
I do NOT hate Perrla beads. I did NOT promise to play with them this evening with my daughter. I do NOT get a weird vestibular reaction when I try to place the tiny beads on the even tinier little stakes.
The ketchup bottle did NOT fart all over my daughter and her clothes and the table and the floor. It did NOT look like a grisly murder scene. I did NOT spill water everywhere, requiring an entire clothing change.
I did NOT skip 2 doses of Lexapro b/c I'm been so happy and didn't think I needed them. I have NOT made this mistake before. I have NOT been a crabby mother this weekend.
I am NOT in desperate need of encouragement right now.
I am NOT in tears 3 days before Christmas. This is NOT happening.

Much ado about nothing...

Just wanted to add a few pics today. We had Christmas with the Loennekes a few nights ago. I told the kids they could exchange gifts after they performed a Christmas song.

The song turned out to be a little non-traditional.

Then we promised they could open gifts after posing for a picture.

They were so patient with us.

Now I leave you with another pic I took. First person to name this picture with a quote from a famous holiday movie is the winner. Sorry, no prize this time, just the honor of having your name typed on my blog with a few exclamation marks after it.

Happy Holidays...

Love,

Michele;

And the Winner Is...

KATIE C!!! I loved ALL the stories but Katie, your story left a very strong visual. Your Panera card will be in the mail this week. Thanks to everyone for the great stories. Randy, your story runs a real close 2nd. If you haven't read the stories, click on Comments on the previous post and take some time to laugh a little.
I got tagged on a blog this week http://mrsdirnberger.blogspot.com/ I'm not sure what that means but I think I'm supposed to tell my holiday traditions. I don't have a lot of traditions. We watch our favorite movies, especially Christmas Story, but otherwise we just do everything very traditional. Go to Christmas Eve Mass, open one present, then open the rest on Christmas morning. Last year we bought a mailbox ornament and when we packed up the ornaments we put in a list of predictions. It was fun reading them this year when we unpacked it. My favorite prediction was "Mom will be healthy" Yea! It came true!
I don't know how much blogging I will be doing in the next couple of weeks. I hope everyone has the best Christmas ever! I love you all!
Love,
Michele;

Blog Giveaway!!!

I'll bet you think I'm going to talk about the holidays. Hey, you know me better than that. I've got something even better. My first Blog Giveaway!!! Read on...
I love my job. I call it my dream job. God has blessed me with a challenging but enjoyable career. In case you've just joined us, I will give a very brief synopsis. I am a pediatric speech pathologist (aka and been referred to as speech teacher, talking lady, speech friend, speech person, teacher lady, I could go on..). I provide services for children birth to 3 (plus a few older ones) in their homes. I specialize in feeding disorders but work on speech too. I get most of my referrals through a State program called First Steps. They send the referrals and I work under their many guidelines.
I say that I work in-home but technically, First Steps tells us that services must be provided "in the child's natural environment". So over the years "natural environment" has led to many creative situations. The parent ultimately deems what is "natural" for their child. What I am trying to say is, I work in whatever place the parent requests. This list, over the years, has included front porches, sidewalks, street corners, McDonalds, parks, parties, playdates, the mall, the nature center, and yard sales. The most creative place on the list has to be the ticket gate at the SEMO District Fair. Years ago, the Mom called and said she was working the gate and she needed me to work with her son while they were there. So I found myself at the gate, providing services for a child in his "natural environment".
So your challenge today is to tell me the wackiest work situation you have ever found yourself in. I will award a $10 Panera gift card to the best answer. (Katie C, get to work on picking your favorite, you have as many as I do). I can't wait to hear everyone's stories!

I did NOT...

We are NOT discussing "hot docs" on the Colon Club this week. I did NOT post a pic of my hot doc. http://www.sfmc.net/display/DocDetail.nws?phyid=322
Kelly was NOT the winner with the hottest doc
http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47b8cc29b3127ccec5852234747400000040O08IZMmbJoxcg9vPgI/cC/f%3D0/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/

I did NOT go to work today and watch a toddler come out of the bedroom chewing on his mother's thong. I am NOT going to leave you with that image.

Prayers needed...

I just found out that Shawndra Turner is very ill. She is in the hospital and hospice will most likely be called in. My heart is breaking. If you are new to the blog, let me just synopse by saying Shawndra has a rare form of colorectal cancer and I have never known anyone fight cancer the way she does. Shawndra saved my life by posting her symptoms on her blog, which convinced me to get my problems checked out. Shawndra has a very precious 3 yr old daughter and a very loving husband. Her blog is http://shawndraturner.blogspot.com/
Please pray!

Tax Deductible!

This week's Wordless Wednesday is John! John, that was great, I loved it! Also, I forgot to mention that Twylia was the winner last week when she submitted several ideas for what Scott was calculating. Speaking of Scott and calculating, today, he said Honey, I know what I want to get you for Christmas but it's really expensive, about $300. I told him there was no reason to buy me a $300 gift. His response "But the best part about buying this particular gift is...It's Tax Deductible!". So now you see why I posted a picture of him using the calculator.
I do have more to chat about but I'm really tired and I have a date with...the couch. So I'll go for now.
Love,
Michele;

Wordless Wednesday

Today's assignment is a fill-in-the-blank.


"I'll shoot anything that stands in the way of my __________"

Parenting 101

Sometimes I am appalled/shocked/pleased at the things I let my girls do. Tonight, as I let Emily have way too much raw cookie dough and I ate some myself, I began to ponder how I raise my kids vs. how my mom raised us 4 girls vs. how my friends raise their children. As parents, we all let our kids do things or not let them do things for a variety of reasons. Maybe our moms let us do it or maybe our mom DIDN'T let us do it. Maybe we agree to let them do things out of pure laziness or b/c that's how our friends told us they raise their kids. I tend to blaze my own trail much of the time but I am influenced by my parents. Mom let us eat cookie dough and cake batter. Why? I don't know but I do know it was something fun we all did together, dipping our spoons in the bowl and licking it clean. Dad always made sure he took us to the store to buy Mom presents for her birthday and Christmas. So I am raising Scott to do the same thing...lol. Tonight, Megan was complaining that I ate a piece of her Halloween candy out of her bowl in her room. That's right, I poured all her candy in a bowl on Nov 1 and put it in her room. And guess what? She still has a huge bowl left. She knows how to eat it sensibly and besides, she doesn't have a single cavity either. What decisions do I make when I feel lazy? Well, sometimes I'm too tired to fix a sensible snack, so I let the girls eat something from the snack cabinet. Or I let them have frozen pancakes for supper b/c I'm too tired to cook. I know my kids eat too many snacks, not enough vegetables, have too many toys, don't always clean up, but overall they're not bad kids. I tend to balance things out by being super strict about other things, like what they are allowed to watch on TV, how late they are allowed to stay up, or where they are allowed to go. I often wonder how my Mom managed to stay sane raising 4 hormonal girls. But deep down, I know you just do what you need to do to survive. And if that means going to bed with a belly full of cookie dough, then hopefully the girls will drift off to sleep thinking about how much fun they had with Mom.
Let me know what you do with your children that may or may not be what the rest of us are doing.

Fulled Up With Love

I am nearing the point in my journey where I believe that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am forever changed. I am forever a better person for what I went through. I view the world through a different camera lense. Am I glad I had cancer? No, I am not glad it happened to me. I still wish God could have caused this transformation through more positive events but I know that having cancer was probably the only way He could think of that would make me STOP in my own tracks. One of my favorite movies is "Queen", which was an offshoot of "Roots". I will never forget Halle Berry's line near the end, when Queen and her husband were rocking on the porch and she said "I'm just fulled up with love". That's how I feel. I have so much love in my heart! More than I ever did before cancer struck. I love every one of you that take time to read my blog. I love all the people that have reached out to me in the past year. I love all my babies at work and I love my job. I love the school my children attend. I love my parish family and I love my Mom, Dad, and all my sisters. I love my husband and most of all I love my children more than I could ever express.
I love life.

Love,
Michele;

Prayers needed...

Prayers are needed! My Aunt Virginia had a car wreck last week and has suffered massive injuries. Please pray that her pain stays under control and that the doctors make the right decisions regarding her care. She is currently in the ICU in Memphis. This is my dad's sister, she is 78yr old and has always been a strong figure in our lives. I have never heard an unkind word come out of her mouth. She has a very strong faith in God. And I love her smile, it always has an element of surprise to it. Aunt Virginia, you are so loved!

On a lighter note, here is a pic of Scott...

Your challenge is to guess what he is calculating. Now, lots of you know Scott very well and many of you have never left a comment. I am challenging you, that if you know Scott, you will take a stab at what would bring Scott to the calculator. I can't wait to see the responses!

I did NOT...

It is NOT 9:30 in the morning and I did NOT leave work and come home and rewash my hair. I am NOT having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hair day. I have not already changed clothes twice today. I am NOT eating cold pasta salad for a late breakfast, as I type. I am NOT working in Fredericktown today and it will NOT take an act of God to get me back in town for a very important meeting at 3:00 today. I will NOT speed, no, not me. I would never do that.
I have NOT been a bad wife this week. I have NOT blamed my husband for everything this week, including this morning when I did NOT oversleep and it was NOT his fault. No, it was NOT his fault, I would NEVER blame him for that. I did NOT get so mad at him and did NOT call him a negative name under my breath for watching the Weather Channel for hours on end. No, I wouldn't do that, b/c my husband does NOT watch the Weather Channel for hours on end.
This cold pasta salad is NOT the best tasting dish ever produced out of a box and I did NOT tell Scott last night he couldn't eat it. And finally, I did NOT tell Emily the orange pieces in the salad were cheese, not carrots, NO I would NEVER lie to my children.
Oh, and I did NOT have a NIGHTMARE last night that my coffeepot was broken and I was unable to drink my morning coffee.
What have you NOT done lately?

Sunday in St. Louis

Today was an interesting day. Scott and Megan had a place to go so Emily and I took a little side trip.
First we had to decide who would drive...

After arriving, we had a little lunch...

Then we checked out future job opportunities...

Then it was off to the bank to withdraw large sums of money...

Your challenge is to tell us what Emily would do with a large sum of money.

Around the world in just 1 blog

Approximately 14 hours and 5 min ago, someone in the United Kingdom googled "get a rat to gnaw that thing off your face" and MY BLOG POPPED UP. Unbelievable how it's possible to stumble onto my blog!!! And WHY were they googling a quote from "Uncle Buck"? In case you are a new reader, last spring I had a fever blister and I blogged about how I needed a quarter to go downtown to get a rat to gnaw it off. Anyway, I am LOVING the Traffic Feed I recently installed. I discovered that someone in Iceland reads my blog daily! I love looking at the cities and figuring out who is reading. For example, I know who is reading in Perryville (Kasey) and Dexter (Robin) and Asheville South Carolina (vman) and Jeff City (Tammy). I think I know who is in Baltimore (Suessfan, is that you?) but I don't know who is reading in Poplar Bluff, Chaffee, Independence, Waterloo and St. Peters. My sister Linda is now afraid she will be revealed as a stalker when I see the traffic feed! So I hope I don't scare anyone away! Anyway, it is fun to look at the cities and if you want to reveal yourself in a mystery city, please feel free to leave a comment!
I love you all!!!
Michele;

Big hair, leg warmers and tight-rolled jeans

It was 80's night at the skating rink this weekend for our first It's No Monkey Business fundraiser. What, did you really think my sisters and I routinely dress this way?

Make note of my tall hair and tight-rolled jeans. No one can roll their jeans as tight as me (with one exception- our buddy D.L. does run a "tight" 2nd). And before you ask, No I did not skate, are you kidding me, my blood doesn't clot and I can't feel my feet. Which means I would fall down and bleed to death. Not to mention, I had just been under anesthesia 48 hours before. Are there any other risk factors we can throw in there to make the situation more dangerous?

Speaking of medical issues, Scott's only words when he found out Megan would be skating- "Michele, remember- broken bones in Arkansas are out-of-network."

Did you really think she would be doing anything else at the party?

It was a fun and successful night. In case you've been living under a rock, go to http://www.itsnomonkeybusiness.com/ for more info.

I set a new record this year. CHRISTMAS CARDS ARRIVED TODAY!!! So maybe I'll have them mailed even earlier than Thanksgiving! Seriously, I do know someone who mails her cards out in July. Not a bad idea! (Jen and Steph, I read your mom's card every summer when we visit Jenni, it's always on the fridge).

I just realized tomorrow is Wordless Wednesday...hmmm...it may be late again this week.

Write back. I love your comments!

Love,
Michele;

Colon Countdown

I am celebrating not only the good results from the colonoscopy, but also the fact I survived the required prep. It is so hard to go without food for so long! I spent weeks pondering how I would survive what I call the Colon Countdown. I call it that b/c that's what I did- I counted the hours until I knew I would be put under anesthesia and it would all be over. The first thing I did was totally pig out Tuesday. I ate whatever I wanted. I went to Panera and ordered the Soup in a Bread Bowl. I do not think Panera intends for people to actually eat the entire contents- soup and bowl- but that's what I did. I sat in my office and ate the ENTIRE bowl. Have you ever tried to eat the bread bowl. It's not easy. I looked like a lion tearing a piece of meat, my head swinging back and forth trying to tear the bread with my teeth, soup residue flinging around the room. By the time it was over, the tomato soup splotches made my office look like a crime scene. But I digress...So I also ate a big plate of greasy pizza before I went to bed and felt so full, I was praying for Wednesday's hunger to set in. So Wednesday came and I decided my only hope of feeling full was what I call Liquid Sugar. That is the only approved form of sugar that is allowed during the Colon Countdown. So I drank a large blue Powerade and then went to Rhodes and bought a 44 ounce Dr. Pepper. Now, you should know I rarely drink soda and when I do, it's always diet. So you can imagine the high I was on after I sucked down all 44 oz in less than 2 hours. I was wired! It was a "Happy Hunger" that I was feeling by afternoon. One thing that I was allowed to have was clear, hard candy. So I ate an entire bag of hard candy throughout the day. If my teeth survive this Colon Countdown, I'll be a lucky girl.
Then 4 o'clock came and it was time to start taking all 32 pills. That's right. 32 of those things between 4 and 9 o'clock. And if you know anything about how the prep works, which I'm sure you do, you know that you can't just take the meds and go to bed. Oh no. You are required to stay up all night and make sure Charmin stays in business.
So I arrived at the Clinic this morning bright and early, weak from dehydration but feeling better than I thought I would. I was laughing and joking with the nurses in an attempt to redeem myself for last year's tantrum. Then the dr. arrives and I was left to ponder how it's possible for this guy to be even more attractive than he was last year...and how does he spike that hair so perfectly...and keep it such an attractive gray color...Anyways, the first thing he said to me when he walked in was "I need to tell you that Someone was looking out for you last year b/c at your age with your symptoms, we just don't ever do this test. You are very lucky".
So, the test was completed and he told me I don't have to come back for 2 years. I am grateful for that, but it scares me to think of going 2 years without looking for cancer.
I do think it is meant for me to live. Too many events fell into place at just the right time. I believe God is not nearly done with me. In other words, he doesn't want me hangin' around up there, cracking jokes and eating all the chocolate. I think he wants me right where I am.
Thank you to all who have prayed for me. I love you all! And one more thing, you can't hide from me anymore! I have installed a live traffic feed on the blog that tells me what cities are looking at my blog. So I may not know your name, but I know where you live!
Love you all,
Michele;

GOOD NEWS!!!

My colon looks good!!! I will write more later about everything but right now, I just wanted to share the good news. Thanks for the prayers!

I did NOT...

Aunt Flo did NOT leave her luggage on my doorstep this month. I did NOT send my 3 sisters an email that caused a ruckus and my husband did NOT ask if I was on drugs when I wrote it. I did NOT forget to show up at my friends house today and I did NOT say a bad word when she texted me, asking me where I was. I did NOT go to the office and find out that after working there 2 years and 3 months, I have been incorrectly following procedure and no one ever told me.
Today, I did NOT eat like there's no tomorrow b/c let's face it, when it comes to eating, there really IS NO TOMORROW when you are having a colonoscopy in 2 days.
What have you NOT done lately?
Michele

Wordless Wednesday...on Monday...and not quite Wordless either

After a brief absence, Wordless Wednesday has returned! I know it's not Wednesday but there's a reason I won't be posting on Wed. More on that later. This week's pic involves Megan, a magnifying glass and a piece of pizza. I promise this picture was NOT staged, I actually caught her doing this and I grabbed the camera. Answer the question What is she doing? For last month's pic, someone wanted to know the story behind Megan's picture of injustice. Truthfully, I don't know. I do not recall what she was ranting about but it looked pic worthy.

My colonoscopy is scheduled for Thursday. I am having a lot of anxiety about it! Wednesday I am not allowed to eat anything but clear liquids (chicken broth and jello) and Thursday I can't have anything at all, not even water. The test is scheduled for 11:00. So I will be crabby and very weak by then. I did call and get the ok for an Ativan. I'm sure they want to avoid my little tantrum I threw last year when the appt was delayed. I was so angry, I can remember when they finally took me back, I had to answer a bunch of questions and I was so weak but trying to muster up a bad attitude at the same time. By the time they put me in the room, the fight had left me and all I could do was whisper "I'm scared" and then it was over.

Just want to say Congratulations to Katie and Steve, who were married this weekend! We had so much fun at the reception. The girls loved dancing all night!

Say a prayer that I can survive with no food Wednesday and that my colon is squeaky clean on Thursday!
And don't forget to give the picture a caption!
Michele;

Addendum to I did NOT...

My 10 yr old daughter did NOT just utter the following words: "I need chocolate. I am depressed."
She did NOT tell me she is the only girl in the 4th grade not attending the Sarah Palin rally. She did NOT tell me she is the only girl in the 4th grade not allowed to go to the Haunted Hall of Horrors. My daughter has NOT entered the "I'm the only one who doesn't get to" stage. And when I told her there were no more tickets for the Sarah Palin rally, she did NOT tell me "Mom, I'm too old for that trick". I am NOT freaking out about what these preteen years are going to be like.

I did NOT...

I did NOT just fix stovetop popcorn for the first time in my life and the girls and I did NOT get excited when it starting popping. I did NOT overestimate how much popcorn to put in the pot and it did NOT start popping all over the floor. We did NOT laugh b/c it was NOT funny.
I did NOT spend $30 on Halloween candy only to discover I still don't have enough for treat sacks. And I did NOT eat any of it while filling those sacks.
Last night I did NOT tell Emily I would spank her hiney if she didn't eat. No, I am a feeding therapist and I would NEVER say that. Not me.
Last week I did NOT stand in front of my car in the parking lot and panic b/c I couldn't find my car. That would be ridiculous.
This morning I did NOT tell a 4 yr old that when I am in his house, he does not run the show. No, that would be way too unprofessional.
I did NOT call my housecleaner today and tell her my house was too dirty to clean, and could she come another day. That would be way too embarrassing.
What did you NOT do lately?

Kevin

If you came to my blog for a good chuckle, just sign off b/c there are none today.
When I went to the TEC retreat last weekend, I spent much of the prayer time asking God to give my friend Kevin and his wife Brenda some peace and to help them face this cancer battle, no matter what the outcome or prognosis may be. I prayed for them silently, I prayed for them out loud, I just kept praying for God to give them strength. As you know, we were not allowed to use cell phones while we were there. I snuck up to the room about midnight the first night and turned my phone on to check the time. To my surprise, Kevin had left a message telling me he was in the hospital. I was so upset that I had missed his call and even more upset that I hadn't known he needed me and couldn't call him back. I admit, I questioned God. Why was it that I had spent the whole day in prayer for him and I hadn't been there when he needed me. On Monday I finally got to talk to him and of course, he ended up making ME feel better. He assured me he had felt all the prayers and I had to believe that I was there when he needed me, just not in the way I had thought I needed to be. Like he always says- BELIEVE. Anyway, he had surgery yesterday and I don't think he would mind me telling you that he is at a very low point in his life, both mentally and physically. His wife Brenda needs prayers too. Brenda is a very strong person, I always think of her as a Steel Magnolia, but I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
I do want to say that the retreat was an incredible experience for me. I spent most of the weekend praying and...eating. The food was great, especially since I didn't have to cook or clean!
I also want to talk about my sister Linda's project. She lost her precious baby boy, Declan, in May, after spending 65 days with him in the NICU. Declan touched a lot of lives and she wants to honor him so she has created http://www.itsnomonkeybusiness.com/ Please take the time to check out this site. If you are looking for a service project or maybe you want to donate to a charity this holiday season, please consider donating items in Declan's honor. If you live nearby, you can always bring the items to me and I will deliver them to her. I am planning 2 visits in the near future.
Ok, well I can't blog without a little humor so I will leave you with a conversation I had with Emily this week. First you have to know that Emily goes to a Catholic school and she tells me every day what they learned in religion. So this week, she says Mommy, you can't hide from God, he is always watching you. You can't sneak b/c he always knows what you are doing. Fast forward 20 minutes, she says Mommy, the kids at lunch always give me their food, they have to sneak it b/c it's against the rules. So I say, Hey don't forget you can't sneak with God, he's always watching. She says Oh, that's ok, God never says anything about that!

Happy Birthday Megan!

Dear Megan,

Today you are 10 years old! Wow! It's been a fun 10 years! You know the joke by now. Every year I tell you that this is it, this is my favorite age, it can't get any better. Then the next year rolls around and I swear this is it, the best year ever. In other words, it just keeps getting better. You have been nothing but pure joy since the day you were born. Today I have spent a lot of time thinking of what it is that makes you special. Because you are so very very special. Sometimes it takes my breath away when I look at you and think "I created this amazing Child of God". How lucky I am to be your parent. How blessed I am to have you as my daughter.
I know I've made a lot of mistakes as your Mom. I mean, let's face it, the first thing I said when I saw you was "Oh my gosh, what's wrong with her lip!". Sorry about that, your lip was fine and of course, you were beautiful.
Now let's talk about that stubborn nature of yours. It defies all principles of nature. I knew we were in trouble when you were just a day old and you were already beating your fists on my chest, refusing to nurse; then after 3 days of this, when the lactation nurse said Give it up, she's not gonna do it, just give her a bottle. I knew then you would have strong ideas about what you want and don't want.
Your gift of words takes my breath away. Sometimes I hear you talking and I wonder how I could have created a child this brilliant. And I'm truly sorry that your dad and I were unable to give you the part of the brain that calculates algebraic equations; it's missing from our brain too.
My proudest moments are when I see you swim. You have worked so hard to be the best you can be and that's what makes me so proud! You don't know this, but sometimes I sneak in your room and just look at all the ribbons and medals you have won and I know you have given it your all and that's what I love about you. You never give up. When you went to the swimathon and were told to swim 4 miles but you swam 6 for good measure, I just couldn't believe your tenacity. And I'm sorry I made you stop for a picture, that was Mistake #873432 in the decade I've been a parent. I'm just so proud of all you do!
Do you know how proud I am that you have such a strong faith in God? I am so glad we are able to give you a Catholic education. When Declan passed away, you were so at peace with it because you knew where he was. You do not doubt your beliefs and you live your life as God intends you to. It meant so much to me that you insisted on sitting down with me last week to teach me a refresher course on saying the Rosary so that I would be prepared when I went to the retreat.
Someday when you become a Mom, you will understand the great love a Mother has for her child. It will be at that moment that you will say Oh, now I get it. For now, hang in there and understand that I am doing the best I can as your Mom.
I love you Megan, I love you all the way to the moon and back.
Love,
Mom

Update

Lots to talk about tonight. I wanted to catch you up to date on how I am doing physically. My platelet counts are still not where they should be, even after 8 months post-chemo. So Dr. G sent me to a hematologist this week. Long story short, this doctor is so important, his patients rarely actually see him. He tells the nurse practitioner what to tell us. So we saw her this week. She was really nice and explained that after reviewing my blood and bone marrow, they can't figure out why my platelets are not back up so let's take more blood and look at more things. Those results came back today and they are normal. So they are concluding...nothing. No explanation. I have a colonoscopy scheduled Nov 6 and after that I plan to have my port removed.
I am having a lot of survivor guilt lately b/c 2 of my friends are not doing well. Sandy and Kevin are in the fight of their lives right now. My heart just breaks for both of them. They both started chemo about the same time I did and they are still receiving it. I cannot imagine what that is like. I remember how hard it was for me to count up to 11 treatments. I cannot imagine 14 months of that stuff.
I am packing my suitcase tonight in preparation for a TEC weekend (Teens Encounter Christ). I was asked by someone at church to help lead the group this year. It is a weekend retreat for high school students. I will be spending the weekend with 16 girls from Notre Dame. I will be presenting a speech about my cancer experience. Even though I know it will be a good experience, it's hard for me to leave the girls for any length of time. I won't be back until Monday evening.
I hope you have a great weekend. I won't be able to use the computer or my cell phone until I get back.
Talk soon!
Love,
Michele

Wordless Wednesday

My favorite blog day! I can't wait to see the responses from those who know Megan well. She is all about injustice.
Enjoy the rest of the week!

Sunday Spotlight

Thanks for all the responses to Wordless Wednesday this week! The winner is my sister Donna. That was very clever! Amy H wants to know the real story behind Megan's mugshot. Her Girl Scout troup took a field trip to the Police Station a couple of years ago and everyone got a chance to pose for a mug shot.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how to live a better lifestyle. I am setting goals for myself in the hopes I can become healthier, both mentally and physically. Each Sunday, I will pick a goal and tell you what I am doing to attain it. Then you can do the same. This week's spotlight goal is DECLUTTER. This is one thing I'm doing: The trashbag trick- I grab a trashbag and walk around the house and look for things to throw away, broken toys, old school papers, socks with holes, pens that don't work, etc. If I do this every day for 15 min, think of all the clutter I can throw away! Megan and I went through old photos this weekend and threw away ones that were blurry or just plain useless. I filled an entire trash bag! One area I have to really work on is clearing the island in the kitchen. It's completely full of papers!
So now it's your turn. Tell me a goal you are setting and how you plan to target it. Or if you have tips for someone else's goal, that's great too.
Have a great week!

Wordless Wednesday

Last week's winner was my sister Linda, who guessed Megan's crime. I loved it Linda! Now let's solve another mystery. Check out the pic on the right.
I am loving this week's did NOT's. So far, Katie C is the winner! Katie and I work in the same type of setting and we often trade work stories. Katie, that one was priceless! Speaking of PRICEless, I also loved the story of KP getting lost. You guys rock!

Would you like a sheep on that sandwich...

Yesterday was NOT Monday and I did NOT start my day by checking a 2 year old's diaper and come out with a handful of poop. And since this did NOT happen, I did not shout to this child's mother OH MY GOSH, HE'S GOT POOP COMING OUT AND IT'S ALL OVER ME! No, that would be way too unprofessional. Today, Scott and I did NOT decide to buy a laptop in the midst of our country's economic crisis and we most certainly did NOT get into a fight in the middle of BestBuy over the cost of this laptop. I was NOT the one raising my voice. And I most certainly did NOT tell 2 store employees on 2 separate occasions that my husband has frugal buttocks. I did NOT leave him in the store to finish the purchase while I went to a training that, among other things, covered the topic "How to Make an Auditory Sandwich". I did NOT get up and go home when the speaker starting making sheep noises. No, I wouldn't do that b/c I do not spend the majority of my day making sheep noises either. I prefer pigs.
What did YOU not do this week?

Hello out there...

Wordless Wednesday is in danger of extinction! If you do not have a clever caption, just tell me what crime Megan would be likely to commit or what the Wanted Poster would say.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday is just 3 hours away so I thought I would get started. This week's picture features Megan in July of 06. After everyone writes a caption, I will explain just why Megan had a mug shot taken.
P.S. Some of you may already know what the crime was. (Kim P you may be the only one that remembers).

Emily

Dear Emily,
Happy 6th Birthday! You have grown so much this year and I am so proud of how well you are doing in kindergarten. You tell me every day how much you love school. Every morning when I drop you off and watch you skip across the crosswalk, I am so thankful for this little "hurricane" God blessed us with. That's what we used to call you, our little "hurricane". Your pediatrician said you "entered the world in dramatic fashion". I will never forget the morning you were born, it was the scariest moment of my entire life and I know that I will never be that scared again as long as I live. Your daddy says the same thing. Some day when you are old enough to understand, I will tell you just how close we came to losing you. How I was able to read the expression on every nurse's face, I will never forget the fear in their eyes when they saw what was happening to me. How I asked the nurse if this was normal and she said in a quiet voice "No, this is not normal". I will never forget the look on the nurse's face when she tried to find your heartbeat and it took a little bit to find it, but that little bit seemed like an eternity. How there was no time for phone calls, prayers, epidurals. How fast they raced me down the hall and I kept crying and saying how scared I was. How when I woke from surgery, I could barely talk and I managed to croak out your name "Ehhhhmaaaaly?" with a question at the end. How I can remember your daddy saying "She's ok, she's really ok, they are just keeping her in the nursery for awhile". How the first time I held you I could not believe it was possible for a newborn to have that much hair and how I could have given birth to this beautiful baby that looked like an Indian. How you threw up on me and I had no idea it would be the first of about 5000 times you would do so in the first year of your life. How I managed to hold my tears back until later when I was given a lunch tray and the buttery roll tasted so good and the tears began to flow and I could not stop crying with a mouth full of bread b/c I had been so scared of losing you. How I cannot stop crying now b/c I cannot imagine how empty my life would be without this hurricane that blew into my life.
God Bless You Emily. You are very loved.
Love,
Mommy;

If we had it...

There is a legendary line spoken in our house that has been around for many years. When Barnes and Noble opened up in Cape, Scott and I went in there to browse. I was looking for a specific book so I asked an employee if they carried it. He stood there and said (and I quote) "If we had it, it would be on the shelf". So we refer to this statement whenever we get bad customer service. Today, I was in a store that I normally don't shop at and I couldn't find a certain line of clothing. I asked an employee Where is the Lands End section. She pointed and said "It's over there unless we moved it".
So this afternoon, I called the Osage Center and here is the conversation:


Hello, Osage Center, this is Kade


Hi my daughter has a party there tomorrow and we have a pinata and I was wondering if you have something to hang it from


Hold on, I'll check


Ok


Hello Osage Center this is Jenna


No, I'm on hold with Kade, he's checking on something for me


Um...as far as I know, I'm the only one here


Excuse me?


I was told I'm the only one working here today


But I just talked to Kade


But I was told I'm the only one working here today


You don't understand I JUST TALKED TO KADE, he's checking on something for me


I think you need to call back and see what happens b/c I was told I'm the only one working here today, I'm working in the weight room and...umm...I was told I'm the only one working here today.


Ok


So I hung up, called back and Kade answered, put me on hold and then I hear:
Hello, Osage Center this is Jenna


PUT THE PHONE DOWN. JUST PUT IT DOWN. NOW.


I believe if we had Customer Service, it would be on the shelf. Unless we moved it.

I did NOT...

I did NOT slam on my brakes in the middle of the road this morning and pick up a turtle for Emily, since she has been begging for one. I did NOT empty a huge bucket of work toys in my trunk so this turtle would have a temporary home in my car. And trust me, there were NOT a lot of toys in that bucket. I did NOT drive around in my car all day with a very mad turtle trying to escape. This did NOT happen on a Thursday, which is my busiest day at work, where I rack up 200 miles between the hours of 7:30 and 3:00. This turtle did NOT poop 3 times and of course, this turtle did NOT hiss at me 3 times, b/c we all know turtles don't make noise.
I did NOT stop at McDonalds in Marble Hill and I most certainly did NOT order one of those greasy dollar chicken sandwiches so that I could eat on the road. And now my stomach does NOT feel sick from it. No, I feel great.
I did NOT have to put my car in park and sit 3 times b/c of construction on the road. And I most certainly did NOT do paperwork while I was waiting.
And now I am NOT going to go lay on the couch and parent in a supine position. That would be totally irresponsible.
Oh, and I did NOT fall down in the shower this morning. That would have really hurt.
What did you NOT do this week?
Michele
P.S. I am sending out a message to all of you out there who have faithfully read my blog but never commented. I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I just want to know who's reading these days. So talk to me!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday returns! This picture was taken on Kasey's last day as the girl's nanny. In case you can't tell, that's Megan with her. Leave a comment with the best caption. Be sure to read what everyone writes!

Wordless Wednesday

Yes, this is still my blog, I just changed things up a bit! Today is Wordless Wednesday. Check out the pic to the right that needs a caption. Leave a comment with your best idea.

Cryptic Speaking

Well, that last blog was a lot of fun but so many of you forgot to sign your name! It's no fun if you don't tell me who you are! And I am still trying to guess who sat in the parking lot and listened to Styx! Please tell!
One thing that Scott and I have always done around the kids is what we call "cryptic speaking". My Mom thinks it's pretty clever. Once the kids get old enough that we can't spell anymore, we have to talk above their heads. If you know Megan, you know we passed the cryptic stage a long time ago with her. Now Scott, Megan and I are using cryptic talk around Emily. I am trying to teach Megan how to do this. She is really good at interpreting though. For example, if we are talking about Emily, we will use "offspring", "sibling", "descendent", etc. "Eat" is usually "consume". "Buy" is always "purchase". Burger King might be "beef royalty". So if we are going to take Emily to Burger King, I might tell Megan "I am considering taking our offspring to Beef Royalty to consume poultry". Or "Your sibling will not accompany us to the retail outlets. Instead, she will experience a deep slumber". So tonight I'm wondering if anyone else does this and if so, give some examples of how you use cryptic speaking. Or just leave me a cryptic message. But please sign your name! Thanks!

I did NOT...

We're going to play a new game on this blog. I borrowed it from another blog I read. It goes like this:
Last night we went to the fair and I did NOT eat a pork steak sandwich, lemon shakeup, half of Emily's fries, half of Emily's hamburger and cheesecake on a stick. No, I would never eat that much fair food. This morning, I did NOT give my daughter a cup of coffee in an attempt to perk her up for swim practice. Today, I went to a yard sale and the lady was NOT selling laxatives and opened packaged of adult diapers, no, no one would do that, that would be insane. And for lunch today, I did NOT feed my children homemade fried cheese and chocolate crescent rolls, no I would never let them eat like that. And look on the sidebar- that is NOT another stray cat that needed a home. Scott would never let me bring home another animal. (Suzy and Paul, Scott said you would understand why he named this one Simone)
What have you NOT done lately? Leave me a comment.
Michele;

More of this and that...

I often think of things I want to write about on the blog but then I don't jot them down and they are lost. I am trying to compensate by writing everything down but I realized last week that writing doesn't help when the book gets lost too. I find myself repeating "I put it in a safe place" but a safe place doesn't help when you forget where safe is. Most days I am willing to admit that I have limitations but there are exceptions. Like the day I was driving to my friend Kelley P's house and I called Scott in tears and said "Kelley's street isn't where it used to be!"



I am not above begging for a hookup. Blake Shelton is coming to the ShowMe Center and if anyone out there has connections, I would give anything for a backstage pass, a hug, anything. If you know me, you know how much I love Blake Shelton. No sexier man has ever walked the planet. (Kasey is laughing and rolling her eyes, she just spent a year in this house listening to me talk about how amazing he is. Every time his video would come on CMT, I would collapse onto the couch. Oh, yeah, most of the time, I was already collapsed on the couch...)



Ok, now on to more serious things. My very good friend Kevin (vman) got some very bad news last week. His cancer has returned to his colon so now he has it in the colon, liver and lungs. If I had not been driving when he told me, I would have fallen to my knees. I have been so devastated by this. Kevin means so much to me, the thought of him having to go through surgery and more chemo again is just more than I can imagine. Kevin has had 20 rounds of chemo already. I am calling on everyone I know to pray for him and his wife Brenda.



I want to say Congratulations to my Mom!!! She has a clean colon! Way to go Mom! I love you!



Check out the new pics I have posted! Scroll down to see our prize-winning dog!



Thanks for checking in on me,

Love,

Michele;

So tired

Went to see my oncologist today. Platelets are still low. Dr. G thinks I may just have ITP (idiopathic thrombocytopenia). This means low platelets for unknown reasons. She wants to keep watching it. She wants me to go back and see neuro b/c I'm still having trouble with my memory. The anxiety is gone but I still have confusion. I told her it's like this- My anxiety is gone so when I wrecked my car I didn't cry, I just laughed. I am also extremely tired lately, so that's why this post is going to be short, I am so tired I just want to sleep. I have so many things I wanted to talk about but I just don't have it in me tonight. So I will try to post again this weekend.
Love you all,
Michele;

CT scan looks good

Check out my new poll!
My results from the CT scan are back and no sign of cancer! My platelets have dropped again just since last month. We are not sure why this is happening but I am going back to see Dr. G next week to discuss what to do. My hemacrit is also low, which explains why I have recently been napping every day, I am really tired. Next on the list is a colonoscopy and a pap smear, can you think of anything more pleasant???
Speaking of tired, I am going to go lay down before it's time to cook supper.
I'll write more later.
Love,
Michele;

Math Problems

Well, I am happy to see so many votes on my poll, it looks like Sandy is the real winner, she reports she has 30 pairs of flipflops! You go, girl!
School started this week and so far, so good. Emily loves it! She is so adorable in her uniform! Check out the pics I posted on the sidebar. So tonight, we are 2 days into the 4th grade, page 3 of the math book and here is one of Megan's math problems: "If you add a ten thousands digit that is 2 times the ones digit to the number 2,794, what is the new number? Explain." Scott and I are stumped already! If you know the answer, please tell me! I would love to know how many of you could figure that out. I do have 2 friends that are math teachers, so I am counting on them to report the answer.
Here is one more math problem to solve:
Michele has a CT scan at 9:15. The test is in St. Louis, which is a 2 hour drive. No liquids are allowed for 4 hours before the test. Which option should she pick:
a)Get up at 5 am and drink 2 cups of coffee before 5:15
b)Sleep till the last possible minute and go without coffee
I pick a). Go without coffee??? No way!!!

Have a great weekend!
Love,
Michele

'Twas the night before Kindergarten...

and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even...Emily. Well I tried to make it special but the plans backfired. I thought we would go eat (her favorite activity), come home and read her "going to kindergarten" books, take a nice leisurely bath, pick her outfit (first day of school is picture day so no uniforms on that day) then we would snuggle in bed and she would drift off to sleep, dreaming of kindergarten. This would be in direct opposition to the dream I had last night that I was dragging her by the arm in the front yard trying to get her ready for school. So I asked her to pick a restaurant. She picked Applebee's b/c she likes their fries and ketchup. She picks restaurants based on whether they serve fries and if they do serve fries, are they the right kind of fries, are they stingy with the ketchup, etc. After driving 20 min to get there, we pull in the parking lot and she says "I'm sick, I think I'm going to throw up". I guess she is so nervous about school, she had a bad stomachache. So we drove home b/c she refused to go in and eat. She fell asleep on the way home and went straight to bed at 5:30. Which means she'll be up EARLY. Anyone that says kids grow up fast doesn't live in our house. Even though Emily's birth certificate says she is 5 years old, that's not her true age. See, she was 2 for at least 5 years, 3 lasted about 4 years and 4 lasted a couple of years. We have lost track of how long she has been 5, so we are only guessing when we say she is actually about 12. At least that's how long it feels like we've been ordering fries with extra ketchup.

TGIF!

Well, I'm really glad it's Friday, it has been an eventful week. A bit of good news, we were wrong about our deductible on the car, it's only $500. Only $500! Listen to me, like that's a bargain or something. The reality of it must have set in for Scott but first let me back up. Scott never yells at me or gets really mad at my antics. I've talked about that before. He has a different way of dealing with things- he uses his TOOLS. So yesterday, he snuck outside and "fixed" my car- with epoxy glue and a bolt. I am not kidding. He proudly proclaimed it was not necessary to pay to get the car fixed, he did it himself. He feels much better but I don't. I am not going to drive around in a car that is glued together. Scott has a lot of quirks, some of them don't bother me, some do. For example, the toilet seat thing doesn't bother me but I go crazy if he doesn't hang up his towel. He teases me b/c I have a system for everything but he won't follow the system, you know like the towel system, the laundry system, etc. I have discovered that even though I know him, I will never understand him. Like on the rare occasion I send him grocery shopping, he will always come home with a can of bread crumbs. I have never understood it, but I know he will always come home, take them out of the bag, hold them up and tell me what he wants to use them for. At one time, we had about 6 cans in the cabinet and I decided to throw them out b/c I thought they would be stale then I realized, aren't bread crumbs already stale? How do you know when to throw out bread crumbs. Is it like Opposite Day, when you open the can and they smell like fresh baked bread, you say Oops, time to throw these out.
Ok, so I told my Mom that I wanted a set of sheets for my birthday last month. We only have 1 (cheap) set and it's hard to change them and get them washed before bedtime. So she buys us some fancy ones, 2 sets actually. They are 450 thread count and if you know sheets, you know 450's are heavenly. I have never owned a set of 450's and I was so excited to tell Scott about them. He had no clue about 450's, thread count, etc. So we have been joking every night about how we have moved up in the world b/c we are sleeping on 450's. Last night Emily crawled in our bed and said she had a tummyache. To which I said Don't bromit on my 450's! (we use the phrase "my baby bromitted", long story, inside joke). Scott said Oh if my baby bromits on these sheets, it'll just slide right off. Well, our baby brommitted on the sheets at 3 in the morning and it wasn't pretty! Luckily I declared we had a spare set of 450's so I went back to sleep and Scott stayed up all night with our brommitting baby.
So you can see why it's been a crazy week. Feel free to leave a comment about your spouse's weird quirks so I'll feel better about being married to someone who loves bread crumbs.
Michele

Take the Good with the Bad

This month is the first time in 10 years that we have not had to pay for childcare. We were excited about all that extra money we would have. I decided to go ahead and spend it today by busting up the fender on my car in a ridiculous stunt that involved a curb and a hole. Since our deductible is a mere $1000, our former childcare fund is now spent. On a sidenote, Megan has been asking for 2 years what is the "king of all bad words". When I introduced my car to the curb/hole this morning, the "king" flew out of my mouth. Megan immediately turns to me and says "Well, I guess I know what the king of all bad words is".
The day did get better. I got a free massage at Style Stop b/c my friend Pam A. nominated me for a "Brighten Your Day" treat. I was treated to my first ever massage, and then they gave me a cream cheese cinnamon roll, rainbow sherbet and a glass of tea. I was in such a trance from that massage, I could barely move. It was amazing. Thank you Pam, you are a good friend and your kindness came on a good day. I topped the day off with dinner in Perryville with Kasey.
So the moral of the story is- Take the good with the bad. And watch out for curbs with holes.
Love,
Michele

On this date...August 7th.

Today seemed like an ordinary day. I knew it was August 7th but no bells went off. I received a letter in the mail reminding me to schedule my yearly colonoscopy. But still, I did not remember what day it was. One year ago today, I had my colonoscopy and my life changed forever.
It was a very long day. My appointment was not until 2:00. I had not eaten anything since Sunday night. Monday was clear liquids only and I carefully followed the instructions for the prep that night. So by Tuesday, I felt really weak b/c it had been so long since I had eaten. I laid on the couch all day. Time crawled by. Scott came home and we went early in the hopes they would get me sooner. No such luck. I sat and sat. At 4:00, a nurse came out to the waiting room and told me it would still be awhile. I lost it. I became very angry, raising my voice, telling her I had not eaten in nearly 48 hours. Still, we waited. Finally they came and got me.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up and Scott was standing at my bedside, and the nurse was standing in the doorway saying "It really looks like cancer." I looked at Scott and said "Oh my gosh". I was still very foggy and so I don't remember very much. Somehow I got dressed and the nurse handed me 3 bottles of barium and said I would need it for the CT scan. It was really late by this time, maybe around 6:00. The original plan was to stop somewhere and get a sandwich but we went straight home.
My mind cleared just enough to call my parents. That was the hardest phone call I have ever made in my life. They knew NOTHING. I had not told them anything about the problems I had been having or that I had the test scheduled. So you can imagine their shock. I told them nothing had been confirmed but the nurse had said it looked like cancer. I didn't talk long b/c what else could I say? They needed time to absorb what I had said anyway. I asked them to call all of my sisters.
I can remember sitting on the couch, Scott in his chair. We were so stunned. One thing that had confused us was that the nurse was the one who actually said "cancer" and we thought she was out of line for telling us that. We wondered if she had overstepped her bounds and maybe it really wasn't cancer. We went back and forth all night. One minute we were thinking, there is no way I could have colon cancer, it's a mistake, they are overly cautious. The next minute we were thinking, they wouldn't have said that if they weren't sure.
So we had to wait until the next day. They had said they would call me. I could not concentrate on anything. Every time my phone rang, I jumped. I carried my phone everywhere, even the bathroom. I refused to drive anywhere that did not have a good phone signal. Finally by 1:00, I couldn't stand it anymore and I called the office. They put me on hold a really long time (about 10 minutes) and came back and said the results weren't back. Later, I came to believe the results probably were back but the doctor could not get to the phone to talk to me at that time or for some reason, they weren't ready to tell me.
I drove to Jackson to pick up the girls. Brooke was watching them that day. I remember telling Twylia I might have cancer and then feeling silly b/c what if it wasn't, then I had just overreacted. By this time it was 3:00 and I was insane with worry and anxiety.
Anytime there is a tragedy, you always remember the exact spot where you were when it happened. I remember where I was when the Challenger exploded, I remember where I was on Sept 11th. On this day, I was driving home on Interstate 55 with the girls in the back of the car. I was passing through all the construction right where they were building the new Main St. exit. The phone rang and as I passed mile marker 101, Dr. Schneider said "it's cancer". We talked but I don't remember anything past that. I know he finished the conversation as I pulled in the driveway and walked in the house. I know I stood in the playroom, stunned beyond belief. The girls went in the house and started arguing. They were yelling at each other and all I could think was "They are screaming and I have cancer. How can they be screaming at a time like this". I called Scott and oh, it was so hard to tell him. It felt as if I were telling him Life as we knew it is gone.
I went to my bedroom and sat on the bed with the phone in my hand. Who do I call first? The phone rang. It was my good friend Cathlin. She was so excited b/c we had all gotten a HUGE raise that day. She was going on and on about it and then she paused and said Hey are you ok? I said "No. I just found out I have colon cancer". It was the first of many many times I would repeat those words.
I do not remember calling my parents but I know I did. I do remember going to work at 6:00 to see a kid at Jackson. I can't believe I actually went but I do remember thinking that I needed to go b/c I was going to be off work for a long time. Just before I left their house, I said "by the way...".
The next thing we had to do was tell Megan. Although I do not want to share the details, I can tell you it was an extremely difficult experience. I can say that early on, I decided I would not hide things from Megan. I am very open with her, she reads my blog and she knows when we are hiding things from her. Some would disagree with our parenting style but that is the decision we made.
It was a frenzied night for my family in Arkansas. They all swung into action, making immediate plans to come to Missouri to be with me. I don't remember when they all got here but it was very quick.
The next day I saw the surgeon and Friday I had a CT scan to make sure the cancer had not spread to my other organs. Luckily it had not. Surgery was scheduled for Monday.
I decided quickly that I needed a blog b/c we knew so many people and I was already so weary from repeating the story. One thing I decided early on was that this was not going to be a sad blog. I wanted everyone to enjoy reading it and I knew we could not fall into a trap of documenting all the sad things that happened. Let's face it, cancer may not be fun, but lots of funny things sure do happen when you are faced with it.
I hope you all have enjoyed reliving this experience with me. It has been good for me to be able to write about what happened. I know Megan and Emily will want to know the details of my experience when they grow up. What an incredible year it has been. I am forever changed.
Love,
Michele

Remembered What I Forgot...

I forgot to mention 2 things in yesterday's post. First of all, I wanted to tell how exciting it was to meet 2 of my biggest supporters this week. Kim and Carley Tisdale have been faithful readers of my blog since the beginning, even though we had never met. We finally got the chance to meet this week when I was in Arkansas. We went to dinner, along with 2 of my sisters. It was a very fun night, full of laughter, lots of good food (P.F. Changs- I love that place!) and funny stories. It was a night I will always treasure. Thank you Kim and Carley, not just for the gift but also for the support and friendship you have given me. Thanks Carley for being the coolest teen I know, you are an amazing young woman and I wish you all the best with your acting career. Kim, I love you even though you wouldn't let me buy you dinner...lol.
My sister Linda bought me something very special. She gave me a Brighton charm bracelet with 2 birthstone charms. It is the most beautiful piece of jewelry I have ever owned. We went back to the Brighton store and I purchased a cross charm. I will try to post a picture of the bracelet when I get time. Thank you Linda for this gift I will treasure forever.
Thank you to those who continue to read my blog. It means a lot to me. I love you all.
Love,
Michele;

On this date...July 30th

I am overdue for a post, I have been so busy this week. I took the girls to Arkansas to stay with my family. Scott and I are home alone! I am happy to report the extra meds have helped my anxiety quite a bit, I am feeling much better. I did not have my CT scan as planned, I am going on Aug 22nd.
Last year on Monday, June 30th I was feeling a little better and had decided I was not going to have the colonoscopy. The thought of it made me sick. I just didn't think I could do it. So when Dr. Bieser's nurse called to schedule it, I did not answer the phone and I did not return her call. She did mention in her message that I could pick up some samples of a new med at Dr. Bieser's office. It was something new that had just been approved and apparently was supposed to be a wonder drug. I did pick up the samples that morning. I came home for lunch that day and went online to check Jennifer Ireland's blog. You may remember her. She had passed away from colorectal cancer and her husband was still blogging. She was originally from Cape. From Jennifer's blog, I went to a blog written by Shawndra Turner. I had never read Shawndra's site but for some reason, I decided to read it. The first thing that caught my attention was that we shared the same birthday. She was blogging about how wonderful her birthday had been and she was worried it would be her last. She was fighting colorectal cancer and she was only 31 years old. Then I found her post about what her symptoms were. I was stunned. EXACT SAME SYMPTOMS I WAS HAVING. I could not believe it. It hit me hard and I realized this could be me. I felt like she was talking to me. She was really emphasizing how important it was to have a colonoscopy if you are having the same symptoms. I believe to this day that Shawndra Turner played a huge role in saving my life. I will always be grateful to her and I pray for her daily as she battles this disease. I have never known anyone who has fought cancer as hard as she has. She refuses to give up.
Right after that, the GI nurse called and was ready to schedule it. I had not even called Dr. Bieser's nurse back to ok the test. Apparently, Dr. Bieser's nurse had called Dr. Schneider's office and told them I was having it done, even though I had not called her back. So again, a Higher Power was at work, pushing this test. No one was asking me if I wanted it done, so I didn't really have a chance to say No thanks. I think that also played a part in why I went ahead with it. I remember I was sitting at Casey's gas station in Fruitland, writing the test instructions in my calendar (I still have the notes I jotted down). It was scheduled for August 7th, which was only 1 week away. I also remember it was the same day my friend Amy H's son was having brain surgery. A big day for both of us.
Finally, I want to mention briefly what happened when I took that new med. I won't mention the name b/c I don't want to discourage anyone from taking it. I had a weird reaction to it. Even though it did work how it was supposed to, it also made me feel like I was going to pass out. I would have these spells where I felt like my blood pressure was bottoming out. Long story short, I ended up in the ER at 3 in the morning that week b/c of that med. The ER ran a CT of my abdomen and said "no sign of colon tumors, no unusual gas patterns to indicate cancer, you are fine". I asked if I could have my colonoscopy done while I was there, they said No way, you are not sick enough, that would only be in an emergency situation.
Next episode: August 7th- Colonoscopy is performed, Life is forever changed.

On this date...July 26th

Last year on Thursday, July 26th I had reached the point where I was seriously concerned that something was wrong. I had been taking 3 different over-the-counter medications for 3 days with no results and I was beginning to get scared. I was still keeping it a secret but I knew I had to tell Scott. I was so bloated, my clothes wouldn't fit and I was having a lot of stomach and lower back pain. You may be wondering why I didn't want to tell. I know some couples who don't hesitate to talk bathroom talk but we aren't one of them. That subject is OFF LIMITS in our house, in our relationship. Anyway, I stopped by the house that morning to grab something and Scott happened to stop by too. I was sitting at the kitchen table and when he walked in, I thought here's my chance. I tried to form the words but nothing came out. I couldn't look him in the eye and say it. He left within a few minutes and I realized I blew it. So I did what anybody else would have done in this situation. I drove 30 minutes out of town, called him on his cell phone and whispered "I think I have a problem".
Friday came. We were leaving at noon to go to the lake with Danny and Becky for our annual "Pampered Campers" weekend. Scott and the girls were so excited. This is always a fun trip. I summoned up the courage to call the doctor that morning to admit my problem. It is important to remember that I had only been Dr. Bieser's patient for a month. So when I called to relay my problem, they did not take me seriously. They told me to come in Monday. I left work around noon, went home, and was so sick I could not get off the couch. We were frantic about what to do. We were supposed to be leaving for the lake and I couldn't even get up. The truck was packed and ready to go. Scott called the doctor's office for me and was told Come in Monday Or Go to the ER. He was so mad, he called them back and got ugly. So they finally agreed to see me. At the time, I could think of nothing more humiliating than going to the doctor for constipation. But I went b/c I simply could not go on any longer.
When the nurse took me in the room, I explained my problem. I then told her I was concerned about ovarian cancer b/c I had taken Clomid several years earlier and I had several of the symptoms of ovarian cancer. She looked at me and said "You're just being paranoid". That hurt me so bad and further added to my humiliation. Luckily, Dr. Bieser's attitude was completely different. He took me very seriously. I will never forget what he said when he looked at my chart. He said "You've lost weight. How can you lose weight when you are full of poo?" We both laughed and I felt better already. He told me I needed to get a colonoscopy and he would have the nurse call Monday and set it up.
By the time I got home I felt a little better, both mentally and physically. I felt a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders b/c I had finally told someone how miserable I was. Dr. Bieser has a way of making you feel better anyway. He's just that kind of doctor.
So we went to the lake and I tried to have as much fun as possible. The meds had kicked in a little and I felt somewhat better. I hardly ate at all. This was how Danny and Becky knew I didn't feel good. Our lake trip is usually all about eating junk all weekend. I felt so bad, like I was ruining the weekend, but I did try to act like everything was normal. I can remember at one point, I was getting frustrated at Emily and I took her in the back room and was talking angrily at her, telling her I didn't feel good and I needed her to behave. I can remember how I nearly blurted out "I probably have cancer or something!" but I stopped myself b/c I realized how ridiculous and dramatic that was.
Next episode July 30th How Shawndra Turner Changed My Destiny

Happy Birthday to Me

I had a wonderful birthday because I spent it with Scott and the girls and because I am happy to be ALIVE AND WELL. I will never take birthdays for granted and I will never complain about getting old. Life is good...

GOOD NEWS- This stress is killing me!

Friday morning I got a call that my MRI had 2 spots on it and we were given an appt to see a neurologist today at Barnes. So we went today and it turns out the spots are nothing, they look like migraines, which I never have, but anyway, no worries about those. Well, what about these symptoms I am having, memory loss and confusion. He talked to me for a long time about all the anxiety I feel from having cancer, worrying it's coming back, and some other stressors in my life that cause me to have a lot of anxiety. I am very prone to anxiety anyway but of course it has gotten worse this past year. It has also gotten worse as my one year anniversary approaches. He said all my symptoms are caused from high levels of anxiety and my Lexapro dose is way too small. He said anxiety actually changes the chemistry in the brain. So for us, this was the best news we could have heard b/c my concerns were legitimate but fixable. I am going back in 1 month so we can talk about whether things have improved.
I wanted to tell an Emily story real quick. Saturday I had her all by myself all day and I desperately needed a pedicure. DESPERATELY. I had a party to go to Saturday night, a real date night with Scott. I read in a parenting magazine once that in an emergency, it's ok to bribe your children with a toy. So I decided this qualified as a bona fide emergency. So I told Emily if she would go to the salon with me and be really good I would buy her a toy. I know it was a crazy idea and I refused to consider the age old question "what's the worst that could happen". So we pull in the parking lot and I say Hey do you want your toes painted? Oh, no Mommy that would tickle (she hates to have her toes painted). When we walked in and she saw all those colors, she changed her mind! She picked out a hot pink color and sat like a big girl and charmed the entire store while she got her toes done. It also helped that Animal Planet was playing on the big screen TV. And I had snacks. And a toy at Target was just waiting for a home. I offered to take her to lunch anywhere and she chose Fish Sticks at home! Wow, easy to please. So she got her toy and her fish sticks and she is so proud of her pink nails. She couldn't wait to show them to Kasey today. Oh, if you are wondering what color I chose, I picked Blood Platelet Red in hopes it would be good karma for my platelet counts that really need to go up.

Dr. G

I went to Siteman today and I met my new oncologist, Dr. Wang-Gillam. Since her name is a mouthful and no one in her office shortens it, I will refer to her as Dr. G. We were very impressed with her. She is soft-spoken and she's a very good listener. She is also very young! We talked about things that Dr. Lilly never brought up so I feel like I'm in good hands. She is going to run all the tests that will tell me if I'm still NED, plus some others. She took a lot of blood. My platelets are very low. They should be about 140,000 but they are only 79,000. This level is apparently referred to as "don't play with knives". We are going to have it rechecked in a couple of weeks to look for any patterns or changes. I had an MRI today d/t the memory loss I am having. I am also being referred to a neurologist and possibly a neuropsych eval to look further into this. I am going to have a CT scan of my abdomen next Friday to check my liver. Eventually I will see a geneticist to determine whether my colon cancer is inherited. All the nurses were so nice, I really like that place. I think many of them were surprised at my laughing and joking around, I guess they were expecting tears or something. No tears today! Scott and I were joking around a lot about the case of the disappearing oncologist and before I checked out, the secretary said very seriously "I'll let you know if Dr. Wang-Gillam disappears". Ahhh, someone finally shares my sense of humor.
I did hit a 7 on the tear scale yesterday. Monday afternoon when I arrived home from work, Aunt Flo's baggage was sitting on my doorstep. She brought extra baggage with her this time and each bag was labeled: Tears, Anger, Tantrums, Ugly Words, Short Temper, Irrational Behavior. Yesterday, I sorted through every one of those bags. Just ask Kasey- she got to watch me sort through several of them! God love her, she justs keeps coming back to this zoo, despite everything.
Thanks for listening!
Love,
Michele

New Doctor

Congratulations to my friend Christy, who burst into my office last week and declared "I have a clean colon!". You Go Girl!

Today I received a call from Siteman Cancer Institute in St. Louis. They want me to meet my new oncologist on Thursday! Her name is Dr. Andrea Wang-Gillam. So we are scrambling to figure out how to clear our schedules and make sure the kids are taken care of. We won't be home until late.
Here is a nice little visual of my new doc:
http://www.siteman.wustl.edu/DoctorProfile.aspx?Type=Patient&memid=2108

The "On this date...July 26 2007" entry will be lengthy so I will add some info tonight about how I was feeling as that day approached. My symptoms continued to worsen. Besides the broken plumbing, I also had lower back pain, lots of stomachaches and excessive bloating. I was eating very little. My birthday is July 23rd and Scott offered to take me out to eat. Now if you know me, you know I never turn down dinner, alone with my hubby, restaurant of my choice. But that's what I did. I remember just brushing it off, oh, what's the big deal about a birthday, why celebrate, why spend the money, etc. Reality was, I knew I could not eat a meal without breaking a pipe somewhere. You know that Vesicare commercial, where the people are all made of pipes and they keep springing a leak. I wasn't scared of springing a leak, I was worried about bursting a pipe. I can't begin to explain the stress I felt. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since. I was scared of what was wrong, angry that it was such a ridiculous problem and I just felt sick, sick, sick. I tried several times to broach the subject with Scott, maybe ease my way into the inevitable conversation I knew we would have if this didn't go away. But I couldn't bring it further than "my stomach sure hurts a lot lately" or "I just don't have much of an appetite anymore". Sometimes I would get a nagging feeling that I was writing the preamble to the problem. In other words, when I find out what's wrong, we'll look back and say "remember when". My emotional state continued to worsen. My mom mentioned she was worried about me. Scott didn't know what to do, other than give me frequent breaks from the girls and allow me some alone time to deal with whatever was bothering me. My emotional state was so bad, he did not pay attention to the hints I was giving about the physical symptoms. Of course, I don't blame him. It was my responsibility to tell him what was really wrong.

...just got interrupted by something...I said "Emily come look at this mess you made on the floor", she yells back "I DID look at it Mommy". I guess I asked for that one.

Anyway, I will stop now. Thanks for continuing to read my blog. I can't remember if I mentioned that I am going to get it published by an online company. I hope you are not rolling your eyes b/c I said that 3 times already...

Love,

Michele

On this date...July 11th

On this date, July 11, 2007 I had my first nanny interview. I had paid the agency for the list of names and had been excited to see dozens of options. I was looking for someone who had worked with children with special needs and it seemed like several on the list fit this criteria. Then I started making calls and was quickly diappointed. My response rate was very low. Out of about 15 calls, I managed to set up 3 interviews. My first one was a girl I'll call "shy girl". Shy Girl was really sweet, very quiet and had very limited experience. She didn't have children of her own, which was fine, but her only childcare experience was working with blind children in Peru. No kidding. And she also had a very strict religion that only allowed her to work certain hours, and she made it clear that her husband and her church came before anything else. I closed the interview, realizing maybe this was going to be harder than I thought. Interview #2: Oh, I could write a book on this one. I'll call her Bold Girl. She was a middle-aged Mom from Peru who was currently stocking shelves at Target. She had tons of childcare experience. She had worked as a nanny in Florida and her family spontaneously packed up and moved to Perryville. Go figure. She was very outgoing and "tell it like it is". So the interview progressed, I really liked her and then she starts talking money. She tells me that as a nanny in Florida, she had made $18 an hour. If my colon had been functioning, I'm sure I would have pooped my pants. She did say that since she was now working in Southeast Missouri, she completely understood that the economy here was different and she was willing to consider $15 an hour. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless, since she quickly closed the interview. I still see her now and then, working at Target, and I find it very ironic that I would have certainly paid her more than Target's wages but she really blew it.
Then I scheduled #3 for Friday the 13th. I'll call this one Young 'Un. The other 2 I had interviewed were close to my age. This girl was almost young enough to be my daughter. I was frustrated at this point and nearly cancelled it.
Young 'Un shows up and within a few minutes, I knew I liked her. She had more childcare experience than I did! I remember saying "wow" over and over as she told me about some of the kids she had worked with. I kept waiting for her to tell me it wouldn't work, she wasn't interested, or she was moving to Peru. But she didn't. So I asked her to come back the next week and offered her the job. Thus began a new chapter in our lives. Welcome to our world, Kasey.
It is no exaggeration to say that our lives would be completely different if Kasey had not walked through our door. She has been with us during the most difficult year of our lives. I can still remember calling her a week before she was scheduled to start and telling her I had just been diagnosed with cancer and could she hold off just 3weeks. I was still in shock myself. Kasey has held my hand when I cried from chemo, cleaned my house when I was too weak to get up (well, she also cleans my house when I'm too lazy...lol), took me to chemo, worked extra hours, held Emily when the fear of losing Mommy was so great. She has persevered during some of Emily's toughest days and she never gave up nurturing her and loving her. And I know she really does love Emily and for that I am most grateful. It wasn't just a job for Kasey and Kasey wasn't just our employee. She is a part of our family. Thank you Kasey for all you have done for us. As your time with us comes to an end very soon, please keep us in your heart, as you will always be in ours. We love you.

Next episode: July 26th. The truth comes out but the poo won't

I can't remember what I forgot!

Tonight's post is in real time, as in 2008. I'm not reminiscing tonight. Just wanted to update on how the summer is going.
We are having a great summer! I am trying to do special things with the girls. My Webster's Dictionary defines "special" as: a)going to Andy's to eat ice cream every chance we get b)ignoring $4 gas and driving into town to the gas station to get a soda, windows rolled down, music turned up c)impulsively buying a Wii
We have a new housecleaner and she is GREAT!!! Exclamations of joy can be heard in our home every other Tuesday, as in "OMG she organized my shoes!!!", "OMG she made my bed!!!" I don't want to tell her name so I'll just call her "Bea". Thank you Bea for helping me out!
It has been quite a summer for Katie the kitty. We let her outside last week to dine and socialize with our other cats. 10 min later we hear the neighborhood tomcat trying to take away all 9 of her lives. We grabbed her in time, but she sustained a life threatening injury- you know, the kind that only happens on Holiday weekends. Scott nursed her until yesterday, when we declared her so near death, all hope was lost. She was whisked away to Scott's shop and the kids were told she had passed on. I even told someone at work that my kitten died. 3 hours later, Scott calls me and says "um, the kitten is not dead, she's alive and well". He had taken her to the vet to be euthanized and the vet said ah, she's fine, a little antibiotic and she'll be all better. So the question remained- how do you undo a tragic cat story without sounding like an idiot??? Scott has worked so hard to keep that cat alive; He said he is going to start a kitty caring bridge site- he calls it kitty bridge.
I also wanted to mention that my ablation surgery must have really worked- Aunt Flo no longer comes to visit! (If you don't know who Aunt Flo is, please ask a lady friend). There is just one problem. Aunt Flo doesn't come but her baggage shows up at the front door every month like clockwork. The baggage contains all the things Aunt Flo typically brings with her. Just no Flo.
I am still having trouble remembering things. Megan's new phrase is "Mom you're really losing it". She teases me about my memory loss. Today she wanted to know what crazy things I did. I described how I needed something out of the trunk at work so I pulled the lever to open it, got out of the car and freaked out when I saw the trunk open. I thought I had driven through town with it open and then I realized I had just opened it. Then I tried to tell her another memory loss story but I couldn't remember it so I said "I can't remember what I forgot!" It's embarrassing sometimes. At work, I asked someone something and she looked at me and said did you know you already asked me that twice?
I want to leave you with a quote from Emily. She has lately become interested in different types of housing options, especially duplexes. She always mentions duplexes when we pass by them. She has come up with an idea so great, it's worth mentioning in case anyone else wants to try it. She declared "When I grow up, I'm going to live in a duplex. I will live on one side and my husband will live on the other side!"
Keep in touch!
Love,
Michele;

On this date...July 2

July 2, 2007 I came home from Vegas and went to see Dr. Bieser for a recheck on my urine. Once again, there was blood in the sample. Dr. Bieser said "this isn't normal". So he ordered a complete set of tests to check out my kidneys, bladder, etc. I did not mention my other problem because a)I was too embarrassed b)I was still in denial that there was a problem and c)I was still blaming it on the antibiotic. Instead, I was taking over-the-counter medication in the hopes this would just go away.
The next day, I had to make the 7 hour drive to Arkansas to pick up the girls. I stayed over the 4th. By this time, I was having a lot of stomachaches and my appetite was way down. I didn't want anyone to know I didn't feel good so I faked it as best I could. We went to the lake and had a barbeque and I put on a smile and tried to forget how bad I felt. Luckily, there was so much activity going on, no one noticed I hardly ate. I can remember the night we came back home, someone decided we would all go out to eat Chinese with my in-laws. I had a real hard time getting through that meal. I was nauseous all night. I can also remember my house was a wreck and I couldn't imagine how I would get it cleaned. I was just so tired! I was also beginning to realize I needed to find a sitter for the girls QUICKLY.
The next week, I had the tests run and the results were all fine. Dr. Bieser had no more answers so he said there was nothing else to do. I also found a short term solution for the girls. Twylia's daughter, Brooke, was available to watch them until summer was over. This was such a relief! Brooke is an amazing girl and she really helped us out in a pinch. I will be forever grateful to her for giving up some of her summer and agreeing to watch them on such short notice. I still had to find a sitter for Emily for the next school year. I decided I wanted someone to come to our home and watch her so I called a local nanny referral agency. The agency gives you a list and you find the nanny you want. The price was OUTRAGEOUS but I was determined to try it out.
In the meantime, I was still taking strong over the counter medication, otherwise nothing was happening. By this time, I was confused about why I was having trouble. I had given up on the antibiotic theory. It had been nearly 3 weeks since this had started. I was also very stressed out and irrational. Looking back, using the nanny service was completely irrational- we could not afford to pay for it but I didn't care.
Next episode July 13th- The Nanny Diaries

On this date...June 27th

Happy Birthday Scott! Last year, our excuse for going to Vegas was his 40th birthday. We thought that would be a great way to celebrate. Danny and Becky, our best friends, went with us. We drove to the airport on his birthday, June 27th. Before we got there, we stopped to eat lunch. I was feeling a little bloated but I ate anyway. I had been so busy packing for the trip that I hadn't given much thought to my "clogged pipes". After we got to Vegas, we ate at a buffet. By that night I felt even more bloated and somewhat annoyed that things weren't moving along. But I certainly wasn't worried. I had never had a problem like this before so I didn't give it much thought. Besides, we were in Vegas and there was no time to think about anything but all that fun we were going to have. The next day, still nothing. I was really annoyed but still eating like crazy b/c I couldn't pass up all that food. By Friday I was starting to feel sick from eating all that food. I kept thinking about all that shrimp I had eaten on Monday, along with all that food I had eaten since then. It made me sick to think about it. I was confused too; I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wondered if the antiobiotic had caused it. I know that's not a typical side effect but I had never taken Levaquin before so that was the only thing I could think of. By Saturday, I was miserable. My clothes were getting tight, I felt sick and I was starting to get worried about what I was going to do. I kept praying to God that I would feel better and I was angry that God wasn't listening. I was thinking It's such a small thing to ask for! Of course, now I know why he didn't answer my prayer but at the time I found myself begging for relief. I can remember images in my head of my colon just exploding; I didn't know if that was possible but I was so full of anxiety I was losing my rationale. Scott later said he knew something was wrong but he thought I was mad at him or just not having fun. I didn't tell him b/c I was so embarrassed to be having this problem. Saturday night we went out for the biggest meal of the trip. Danny had picked out a very fancy restaurant inside the casino. I was trying so hard to hide my misery but I did reach my breaking point. I nearly threw up after a few bites of my $40 entree so I excused myself to go sit at some nearby tables in the casino. I noticed a sundry shop nearby so I snuck in there and bought some medicine, totally humiliated by my lone purchase. I took it before bed. I was surprised the next morning that, even though it worked, it didn't work well. By this time, I would have gladly accepted a scene from Ace Ventura Pet Detective, when Jim Carrey comes out of the bathroom and hollers "Do NOT go in there!!!" We flew home Sunday afternoon, spent the night in St. Louis and drove home Monday morning. I wanted to go home so bad. I was so angry at myself for having such a ridiculous problem on our trip. Even today, when I look at the pictures, all I can think is how miserable I was. Scott doesn't like looking at the Vegas pictures either b/c that was the last "hurrah" before our lives changed forever. We find no pleasure in them. Don't get me wrong- Vegas was fun, I did enjoy it but it just brings back painful memories.
Next episode July 2nd- Back to Dr. Bieser for a recheck

On this date...June 25th

Ok, it won't be June 25th for a few more hours but I have some time tonight so I thought I would go ahead and talk.
Let me start by saying I went many years without a family doctor and had full intentions of finding one but I kept procrastinating. Last June I got gout in my elbow and it was very painful so I said enough is enough, I'm finding a doctor. I chose Dr. Bieser b/c I had heard such wonderful things about him. Of course, I couldn't just run in and get treated. I had to schedule a physical exam/new patient appt. By the time the appt came, my elbow was fine but I went to my appt anyway. My appt was June 25th. I can remember spending an hour with Dr. Bieser, going over family history, talking, etc. I liked him immediately! I said several times that I was very healthy and he would probably not see me very often. My words were "I'm the picture of health". He then told me I had a small amount of blood in my urine. I was surprised but not really worried. This had never shown up before. He said it probably wasn't serious but I needed an antibiotic anyway. He prescribed Levaquin, which is a drug I had never taken before. Scott and I were getting ready to go to Vegas in a few days and so he told me to come back in for a retest when I returned.
That night we went over to Scott's parents for a shrimp boil. Scott's brother Chris and his friend Tinni were in town from New Orleans and they brought bucketloads of seafood and some cajun recipes. Megan and Emily were in Arkansas with my family b/c Scott and I were going to Vegas. So it was an adults only night, full of good food, wine, and lots of laughter. Very relaxing. Tinni is a great cook and she really spiced up the food, especially the corn and shrimp. So we all laughed about how that food was going to feel on it's way out...you know, burns going down and burns coming out. Shrimp usually makes a very quick exit for me and boy, did I eat a lot of it that night. Life was really good that night. We were so excited about Vegas. We had not vacationed alone since the girls were born.
Next episode: June 27th Vegas here we come!!!